It is amazing how many myths are out there for keeping romance alive in your relationship. Woman’s magazines, radio talk shows, TV shows and newspapers are filled with inaccurate information dealing with relationship advice, some of which includes the topics of how to keep your romance alive, how to keep your man happy, how to skyrocket your sex life, how to…, how to…, how to…and on and on and on. And what is so incredible is that so much of this information is wrong, false, and inaccurate and yet it abounds in mythical proportions. I often wonder if their is there some “myth maestro” out there who spends his days and nights making up all sorts of crap about everything under the sun. Then he throws this absurd information out there – “spins it off as truth” and then watches as peoples relationships unravel within the midst of all this erroneous information.
Regardless of their origins, relationship myths, much to my consternation, negatively impacts your relationship – and that, to me, is totally unacceptable. Throughout my years helping couples increase intimacy and romance in their relationships, I have seen first hand the chaos and damage these relationship myths have created.
So today I am going to debunk 3 common, and what I believe to be ridiculous relationship myths that I have heard and/or read throughout the years – and ones that I know you have heard too! After having read this article, it is my hope that your relationship will not fall prey to all the false information out there on how to increase romance and intimacy in your relationship!
Myth #1 Never go to bed angry with each other. Are you kidding me? Relationships are not TV shows where all issues get wrapped up and resolved within a one hour time frame ( which is really a twenty – forty minute time frame if you include all the commercials). Some – if not most – important relationship issues are just too impossible, complicated or emotionally – driven to be resolved within 24 hours. Thinking you “should not” go to bed angry at each other because that is what the “experts” told you, often leaves you getting angrier and angrier at each other as you attempt to resolve an emotional issue before you go to bed. I would love to hear from all the couples out there how often that approach has worked for you in the past? Yeah, I didn’t think it did.
Therefore, I often advice couples to stop trying to resolve an issue that appears to be particularly difficult for one reason or another and just go to bed – even if you are pissed off at each other. Sleep on it and then re-visit the issue when clearer heads prevail. It is amazing how much a good night’s sleep can put things in a better perspective in the morning.
Myth #2 Happy couples never fight. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. Happy couples do fight; in fact, it is the manner in which a couple fights that determines their happiness. The ability to communicate your differences with respect and understanding are the qualities that happy couples exhibit when they fight.
Healthy happy couples stick to the issue at hand and do not engage in what I refer to as “character assassination”, i.e. name calling, yelling and screaming at each other and false accusations that their partner’s position or opinion is “stupid”, “dumb” or “just plain wrong”.
Also, when happy couples fight, they realize there are some issues that they will never see eye to eye on. These couples understand that all differences can not, in fact, be resolved. Therefore, happy couples “agree to disagree respectfully” and then move on. In other words they accept the fact that sometimes, It is what it is.
Myth #3 Happy couples share ALL their feelings and emotions with each other ALL the Time. Not exactly. In my humble and professional opinion, nothing could be further from the truth and more damaging to a relationship. There is no one, and I mean absolutely no one, with whom I would want to share all of my thoughts and feelings with all of the time. Many feelings are personal and should be kept that way. Does your partner really need to know that you don’t like something that they absolutely treasure? Share your feelings and emotions with an understanding of how they will impact your partner. Communicating feelings and information which will only cause hurt and pain, for no good reason, does not make any sense – so keep it to yourself!
WIth all of the above said, I hope some of the pressure is off you trying to do the impossible in your relationship! Remember, if you want to increase romance and happiness in your relationship it is really okay to go to bed angry with each other; happy couples do, indeed, fight but they fight fair, and finally, happy couples do not, in fact, share all their feelings and emotions with each other all the time!
Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,
Dr. Patty Ann