It really is incredible how we can so easily see the things other people do, or say, that sabotages the romance and happiness they so desperately want from their relationships. It is almost as if people have been cursed with an inability to get out of their own way – especially when it comes to increasing the romance and happiness we practically live for in our most intimate relationships.

In an attempt to stop this sabotaging behavior, I am revealing the three most powerful things you must stop doing now that sabotages the romance and happiness you crave.

1. Sabotaging Activity #1: Checking email – or any other computer or technologically-based activities that find a way of stealing time away from you that you had planned on spending with your sweetheart.

Let me give you an example I am sure you can relate to. Dinner is finished and all cleaned up. You and your honey decide to watch a movie together. Before you start the movie you turn to your partner and say: “Just give me 5 minutes – I want to check my email and then you can start the movie”.The next thing you know an hour has flown by and you have gone from checking your email, to writing a response to those checked emails, to surfing the internet, and you have your honey waiting way more than 5 minutes – even though you promised you’d be gone only 5 minutes. Sound familiar?

Solution for Sabotaging Activity #1: Prioritize your relationship by actually setting aside time in your schedule to spend with your honey – and then stick to this time! Do not let anything else distract you or take priority over the time you set aside to spend with your honey. There is absolutely no “make-up” time for time lost from your honey.

2. Sabotaging Activity #2: Multi-tasking while spending time with your sweetheart. This romance killing activity gets played out something like this. You and your honey go out for a nice dinner together – but you are constantly checking your iphone or blackberry – reading your emails and/or responding to them – all while you are trying to have a dinner conversation with your sweetheart. Totally not cool! This is an incredible downer for your sweetheart who is left feeling neglected or at least not as important as everything else you just “have to do” rather than giving them your undivided attention.

Solution for Sabotaging Activity #2: Stop multi-tasking and be totally “present” and “in the moment” when you are spending time with your sweetheart. If the temptation to answer your emails is too much for you – shut your iphone or cell phone off while you are out to dinner with your sweetheart. It really won’t kill you! This is particularly important when you are celebrating special moments or achievements in your life like birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, etc.

3. Sabotaging Activity #3: Over-scheduling. Although you really want to spend time with your honey, you just can’t seem to fit your relationship into your over-crowded, over busy schedule. You can’t seem to find the time to spend time together because you are always always working, volunteering, busy running the kids around all over town, etc. There is absolutely no replacement for spending time with your sweetheart if you want to keep the flames burning. Overscheduling you life will surely distinguish the flames of love as sure as lack of oxygen will cool down a fire. Stop over-scheduling your life. Make time to take the time to be together – as Nike says, Just Do It!

Solution for Sabotaging Activity # 3: Slow down and stop rushing through life. Take time to smell the roses. Make sure you pay attention to the things that really matter in your life and that require your attention. To get good at anything we need to spend quality time at it – and that most definitely includes our romantic relationships.

I have just revealed to you three powerful ways you sabotage your relationship – and what’s even better – I have provided you with fool-proof solutions for stopping this sabotaging behavior. Go out now and spend some great time increasing romance and happiness with your sweetheart. Take time to make time and watch your love and intimacy explode.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann

www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog

Comments

  1. Lisa Manyon says:

    Great tips! Thanks so much for sharing.

    Write on!~

    Lisa

  2. i just had an insight while reading your article…
    i think people deliberately multi-task, check emails, blackberries, etc.. because they DON’T WANT to be present!

    I think a good question to ask is: are you in the relationship you want to be in?

    • Hi Laura,

      Thanks for your comments! Great insight – but I cant help but wonder why one would be wasting their life spending it with someone they dont want to be with. Life is way too short!

      Dr. Patty Ann

  3. You are so right on with this. Being present and giving attention is attractive, being distracted isn’t. Good advice so you don’t feel taken for granted like a lot of married folks!
    Linda

  4. I actually followed tip #1 just last night. Honey came to dinner, and I didn’t even turn on the computer, although I had a bazillion things to do. (and I didn’t even do laundry while we were watching our movie)
    Thanks for the good reminders!!
    Grace

    • Hi Grace,

      I love the fact that you operationalized my advice! Good for you!! We distract ourselves from paying attention to each other without even realizing it!

      Dr. Patty Ann

  5. Phil Dyer says:

    Great tips, Dr. Patty Ann! I need to print these off and keep them handy…

    In fact, these would make a great tip card or connection card. I would like mine laminated, please!

    Phil

  6. Great reminder to be mindful and focus on the moment! It’s so easy to get caught up in these other activities with all the information, activities and other external commotion that is part of our world today!

  7. Ooo! I love Phil’s idea of tip cards! AND, I love today’s theme of “setting aside time in your schedule to spend with your honey – and then stick to this time!” SO IMPORTANT!! I always enjoy reading your blog! XOXO, Katherine.

  8. Hi Katherine,

    Thanks so much for your comments! I’m thinking about referring to Phil as our own “Dr. Phil” going forward!! LOL!!

    Dr. Patty Ann

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