Everyone wants everyone else to think they know all there is to know about sex!! Well I have news for you. Many people have many questions about sex – questions they don’t want you to know they don’t have the answers for. So sit back and relax because I am going to answer some of the sex questions you don’t want anyone to know you need answered.
1. Is their a “right” number of times a week I should be having sex with my partner?
The answer to this question is a resounding “No”. Most couples think other couples are having way more sex than they are. Even if they were, why should you care? You need to take a deep breath, relax and focus on your own sex life. The correct amount of times you should be having sex is individualized based upon the wants, needs and desires of each couple. As long as you and your partner are feeling intimately connected – then you are having sex the “correct” number of times per week determined by your unique relationship. The actual number of times per week is totally irrelevant. Once, twice, three times a week, or more, is not the goal or the value of sex – feeling intimately connected is what matters most!
2. How can I tell my partner my fantasies?
Even though we know we should be able to openly share our sexual fantasies with the person we have chosen to share our life with – many people find it hard to do. Some people are too shy and others feel too intimidated. Either way, too many people are keeping their sexual fantasies to themselves. Get a notebook and keep it in a private but shared space. Whenever you think of a sexual fantasy, write it down in this notebook. This way, you and your partner can read each others fantasies, in private, any time you feel like it. This method will allow you to share your fantasies with your partner without making you feel awkward and/or vulnerable.
3. Our sex life has become, well – boring – what can we do to change this?
Many couples in long-term relationships go through stages where sex has become boring and routine. If truth be told, it takes just a little bit of creativity and work to keep sex feeling fresh new and exciting – and to get out of “the same old dull routine”. The very first thing you need to do is to start flirting with each other again. This is so easy and yet an incredibly effective way to break out of boring patterns. Many couples in long-term relationships forget the value of flirting. So bring it on – you will be surprised how this little act will spice up your sex life. Next, most couples tend to have sex at the same time of day or night and in the same place. So change the time of day you have sex and the place where you have sex. Have sex in a “forbidden” place. This is a small change in your sexual routine that will pay off in big dividends by bringing some sassiness back into your sex life. Also try to learn a new sexual technique or move (go to the internet, read women’s magazines – the info is readily available to anyone who wants it). Use technology to send sexually provocative messages to your partner – get the sexual excitement going long before you get into the bedroom. Anticipation plays a huge role in getting turned on – if it is done right. Bring sex games and fantasies into the bedroom. Have fun with sex by being creative and innovative. As long as both parties agree, anything goes!!
You have just read the answers to 3 very common sex questions that many people are afraid to ask. Hopefully you will no longer worry about whether you are having enough sex and will take my advice on how to share your sexual fantasies with your partner. And I highly recommend you try out some of the tools and tips I shared for you to have fun in the bedroom again!
Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,
Dr. Patty Ann