What makes the difference between couples who are happy and “go the distance” from couples who are constantly fighting and bickering and miserable together? Before I give you the #1 secret ALL happy couples know; let me tell what is NOT TRUE about couples who go the distance and find a way to keep the intimacy and romance alive in their relationship throughout the years!!

It is not true that happy couples do not fight; they do. And rich couples are not necessarily any happier than less affluent ones. And yes, happy couples do experience financial difficulties; they are not “made of money”. Couples that go the distance disagree on many issues, so their secret to happiness is not found in the false believe that they think so much alike. Happy couples who “go the distance” do not look to their partner to be their only source of friendship and emotional support; in other words, they are mutually interdependent on each other and not “glued to the hip” – they do, in fact, have interests that lie outside their relationship with each other. And finally, happy couples cannot read each other’s minds or finish each other’s sentences; these couples do not have any magic unknown to the rest of us mere mortals.

So, that being said, what then is the #1 secret ALL happy couples know that you should know too? Quite simply, all happy couples know the secret to falling in love and staying in love is found in the ability and passionate desire to “give”.

What do I mean by the “ability and passionate desire to give?” Some people look at their relationship in terms of “what’s in it for me?” or “what do I get out of it?” These people measure their happiness based on what they “get” from their relationship rather than what they “give” their partner. Long-term happy couples know the secret to their happiness and longevity is found in their sincere and passionate desire to “give” to the other person. Their individual happiness is found in the joy they receive from giving to their partner. These couples do not measure their happiness based up keeping score in terms of what they got from their partner vs. what they gave. There is no “tit for tat’ going on for long term romantic couples. Their happiness is truly rooted in their sincere desire to give to their partner, freely and with an open heart – without looking for anything in return. It is the giving in a relationship which creates long-term happiness for couples.

And here is the absolutely MOST amazing and wonderful irony couples in happy relationships experience: the more they give to their partner, the more, in fact, they get back. What a wonderful consequence of giving. The more you give, the more you receive!

When we love someone, it truly makes us happy to give them our love – and anything else we know that will bring a smile to their face. It makes us happy to make our lover happy!

For those us who are in a loving relationship; remember, if you, too, want to “go the distance” and experience long-lasting love, the #1 secret for achieving this goal is found in the heart-felt desire to give to our partner! This is the #1 SECRET every happy couple knows – and you now know too!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann

www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog

Categories : Sex and Intimacy

Comments

  1. Great advice Dr. Patty Ann. Have been following this rule of love for 11 happy years. I enjoy your posts. Thanks.
    Dr. Robert Fenell
    Repetitive Strain Injuries

  2. Sue Painter says:

    Great advice, Patty Ann. The give thing….always top of mind.
    Sue Painter

  3. Being a giver is what it’s all about.
    Linda

  4. Trudy Scott says:

    This is excellent and oh so true! “The more you give, the more you receive!”
    Thanks
    Trudy

  5. Great article and advice Dr Patty Ann – thank you!
    Heidi Alexandra

  6. Phil Dyer says:

    Another great article, Dr. Patty Ann…thanks so much for sharing your wisdom!

    Phil

  7. My grandparents shared this “secret” with me and surprised each other in the process…
    My grandparents were so cute, right up to the end, hollering “goodnight, sweetheart!” and holding hand as they slept.
    So, on what I knew would be my last visit with my grandmother before she passed, I thought long and hard about what I’d like to know from her, what ONE LAST QUESTION I’d like to ask, and it was “what is the secret of your long, happy marriage?” and she shared the secret you just gave.. Then, separately, I asked my grandfather, and he gave the SAME ANSWER. So, then when I shared that with both of them, they got a big laugh because neither had ever thought about whether the other was doing the same thing! Thanks for your blog and for bringing back that lovely memory of Kicki and Papa! XOXO, Katherine.
    Life Blossoming Systems

    • Hi Katherine,

      How AWESOME is your comment! Thank you sooo much for sharing that fantastic story with us – and validation of what I know to be true too!

      Dr. Patty Ann

  8. Very inspiring article. Give and take is the best way to keep the relationship going.

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