The New York Times reached out to me when they needed an expert on gender wage inequality. Here is a copy of The New York Times Sunday, Oct.15, 2017 column called: “The Workologist” where I’m quoted. Enjoy.

Addressing a Gender Pay Disconnect
by Rob Walker

I recently completed a certification process in my field. This took several years and required clearing numerous hurdles. A few others in my office completed the same process. Typically, in our profession, this merits a raise.

It takes several months for a state board and other entities to process the materials and issue formal documentation. I and another woman in my office were told we would have to wait for that process to conclude before we got our raises. However, two men who finished around the same time received their raises earlier. I asked my boss directly about this and he confirmed that they had, but did not offer me any insight into what that meant for me.

To me, this seems like sexism, whether the bosses realize it or not. For some reason it was more imperative to give these guys a raise immediately, before they had their documents in hand, and less important to expedite this process for the women.

I work for a small and somewhat new company, and the bosses don’t have much formal business background. The culture is laid back and casual, and that’s part of the appeal for most people who work here. This affects the way that the office is run, and it may be relevant here. We have no human resources department. So what can I do about this? I don’t want to create a hostile environment for myself.

NEW YORK

You started to have exactly the conversation you needed to have with your boss — then stopped before you got to the really important part. You can give it another shot; you’ll just need to plan ahead a bit.

For some strategic perspective, I checked with Dr. Patty Ann Tublin, a psychologist who is the chief executive officer of consultancy Relationship Toolbox and author of “Money Can Buy You Happiness: Secrets Women Need to Know to Get Paid What They Are Worth!” What you’re looking for, she says, isn’t a confrontation, but a conversation.

Gender pay disparity is, obviously, a real phenomenon, and you’re right to question what’s going on here. But you may not have all the relevant information about those two male employees. That’s one reason Dr. Tublin suggests steering away from focusing too much on comparisons to a specific peer.

Instead, she suggests, try an additional round of due diligence. “Go online and research what your job is worth,” she says, factoring in your specific title, your industry, and your location (along with the new certification). Then arrange a meeting with the relevant boss. Ask about your general career trajectory, given the skills you’ve acquired.

Then, without making any accusations, ask for some clarity on why your case was handled one way, and those male peers seemed to get different treatment. “Then be quiet,” Dr. Tublin says, “and see what they say.”

Perhaps the response will involve some convincing difference. If not, you could propose that your raise be made retroactive to the date you completed the certification process. If the answer is no, try something like: “Please help me understand. What is different about what’s going on for me and what happened with them?” And follow that up by pushing for specific performance-review goals (informed by your own research) that would bring you to parity.

It seems that you don’t want a more overt showdown, but if you’re left convinced that gender is the only reason you’re not being paid what you’re worth, Dr. Tublin concludes, “then at some point you need to decide whether that’s the company you want to work for.”

“Promoted,” Without a Solid Raise

I was recently “promoted.” I put that in quotes because the promotion did not include a new title, base-pay increase, or substantial change in responsibility. However, I am now eligible for an end-of-year bonus that I’m told typically averages 20 percent. That’s not chump change, but it’s not guaranteed.

Of course, many business reasons exist for deferred compensation. But I can’t help feeling that this is a raw deal. The business area I’m in has been setting new earnings records practically every quarter.

Any advice on how to reopen a conversation about base pay?

ANONYMOUS

In the short term, consider simply treating this as good news: It sounds as if your employer, without prompting, has put you in a position where you are likely to make more money for doing the same work. This will put you in a better frame of mind to move forward.

Now think about what you want to happen next — in six months, or a year. Decide what, specifically, you want, and have a conversation with your manager about what you need to do to attain that goal.

Obviously you don’t want to frame the matter quite so selfishly. But it seems that your bosses value you, and your objective is to build on that — for their benefit as well as yours.

~ as posted in The New York Times

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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Oct
04

“Good Girls Be Damned”

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Don’t tell me it isn’t true. Women are raised to behave like “good girls”.

And the “good girl” syndrome that society has ingrained in us prevents women from advancing up the corporate ladder.

It also plays a role in gender inequality (as discussed in my Amazon best selling book: “Money Can Buy You Happiness: Secrets Women Need to Know to Get Paid What They Are Worth”. (www.womenandmoneybook.com)

The high value placed on being the “good girl” runs rampant throughout women’s lives. It begins in preschool and extends throughout high school – and even into college, with teachers, coaches, and youth leaders praising and rewarding “good girl” behavior.

What exactly does “good girl” behavior look like?

Childhood “good girl” behavior

It’s demonstrated by girls who follow the rules, wait their turn, stay in line, play fairly, share, seek consensus, accept authority, maintain (and not challenge) the status quo.

Teachers tell parents their daughter is a “good girl” because she “never gives me any trouble,” “always does what she is told,” “cooperates,” “helps others,” “is patient,” etc.

Adulthood “good girl” behavior

Adult “good girl” behavior is exhibited by women who are people-pleasers and consumed with perfectionism. In their attempt to please everyone, women sacrifice their own happiness and voice in their personal and professional lives.

In the workplace, this “good girl” behavior makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for women to advocate for themselves, lead, take initiative, and ruffle feathers when it is appropriately called for.

It’s not hard to see how the “good girl” syndrome as exhibited by women in the work place significantly contributes to the abysmal representation of women in the C-suite, on the Board of Directors and other leadership roles within the corporate world.

To increase the number of women in the ranks of leadership – and to make sure women get paid what we are worth – women must ditch the “good girl” syndrome and learn to advocate for themselves, speak up and insure their voice is heard.

#communicationexpert #womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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Wouldn’t you like to know how people with high Emotional Intelligence network? Watch this brief video where I share 3 tools all emotionally intelligent people use to successfully network.


#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork #emotionalintelligence

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Feeling pressed for time, I accidentally hit “reply all” instead of “reply” when responding to an email. As soon as my finger left the key, panic struck! I immediately began worrying about the negative ramifications of my mistake and whom I might have pissed off!

Can you relate to the feeling of dread and panic described above? Does your behavior when stressed tend to help or harm your efforts?

Given the unrelenting demands most of us experience, I’m pretty sure we’ve all wanted a “do over” from time to time. Not only has social media made such a "do over" impossible, it often allows our mistakes to live on forever in a gazillion social platforms.

If only we could stay calm under pressure!

“Keep Calm and Carry On!”

The key to staying calm under pressure is found in our brain. If we can train our brain to be our ally, instead of our foe when stressed, we will be able to stay calm under pressure.

Following are 10 effective behaviors that will train your brain to help you stay calm under pressure.

1. Be Grateful! Countless research demonstrates that people who are grateful for the positive things in their lives have lower cortisol levels – the hormone associated with stress. Researchers at the University of California, Davis demonstrated that people who felt gratitude had increased energy, positive moods and an overall healthy sense of well-being. If you begin your day feeling calm, it will be easier to stay calm when stress comes your way.

For more information on how gratitude impacts your health and your ability to handle stress, click here.

2. Think Positively. When under pressure, if you can think of a positive situation or thought, it will distract your brain from dwelling on the negativity of the stressful situation, which often feeds on itself, creating a circular doom and gloom case scenario in your brain.

Thinking positive thoughts allows your brain to keep stress in check by shifting its attention to a “stress-free” zone in our brain.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” William James

3. Go off the Grid. I know, I know, it is really hard to shut off your cell phone, pull yourself away from your computer, and totally disengage from the electronic world. However, it is imperative you do just that; otherwise you are in danger of frying your brain and burning out. If feeling overwhelmed is your emotional baseline, stressful situations are bound to put you over the edge.

Being constantly “on” does not give your brain the opportunity to rest, de-stress and re-charge, making manageable irritations feel unmanageable.

If you’re reading this blog I’m pretty sure our national security is not riding on your availability. Therefore, train yourself and let others know (in an appropriate way) that you are “off the grid” for specific periods of time such as evenings or weekends.

4. Get Sleep. When we are sleep deprived normal stressors are blown out of proportion, often feeling insurmountable. Following a good night’s sleep, that same stressor experienced when sleep deprived doesn’t feel like such a big deal.

Take a page from the old milk commercial: “sleep does a body good!” Click here to read the scientific proof behind this statement.

5. Be Active. Physical activity keeps your body and mind healthy. You don’t have to train for a triathlon to gain all the wonderful benefits physical activity has on your health and overall well being. Simple activities such as walking and climbing stairs get the job done.

Physical activity stimulates the vagus nerve (a part of the autonomic nervous system) that calms the body down, which is necessary for staying calm when under pressure.

6. Practice Meditation. Studies show meditation helps with stress, blood pressure and staying calm in stressful situations. Meditation activates alpha brainwaves that relax you, allowing you to mentally distract yourself from things that are bothering you. Click here to read more on how mediation helps you stay calm when stressed.

7. Don’t Play the Victim. When things don’t go according to plan, professionally and personally, avoid the “whoa is me” thinking. Playing the victim only adds stress to what is an already stressful situation.

Remember – we cannot control all the stressors that appear in our lives, but we can control how we respond to them.

8. Eat Healthy. A few years ago my son introduced me to a book titled: “It Starts With Food” – and the title says it all. Food provides the fuel and foundation for a healthy brain. A healthy brain is key to staying calm when under duress.

9. Breathe Fully. Breathing provides oxygen to the brain. IF the brain is not appropriately oxygenated, it is impossible to stay calm under pressure.

The appropriate way to breathe is to inhale deeply filling up your chest and stomach with air, then exhaling slowly and deliberately. Click here to read more on how to breathe stress out of your body.

10. Keep it All in Perspective. Two questions I’ve asked my clients and kids over the years when things go wrong: “What is the worst thing that can happen now?” and “Will this make any difference in two years?”

Chances are the answer to these questions will not incur loss of life. Anything less than that must be kept in perspective. Sure, your boss might yell at you, you might lose a big account, your spouse might be really pissed off, but nobody is going to die.

Incorporating the above behaviors into your life will result in having a trained brain that will help you stay calm when under pressure.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 


#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Categories : Women and Money
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One word describes the universal feeling many, if not all women experience that inhibits their quest for work-life balance.

Whether I’m working with corporate women in the c-suite, mid-level managerial women or those beginning their career, I hear women speak about this feeling.

Entrepreneurial women are quite familiar with this nagging feeling as well.

And no other group of women is more plagued by it than working mothers.

Make no mistake about it. This feeling knows no bounds. It does not discriminate. It permeates the hearts and minds of working women from all socio-economic backgrounds, race, religions and nationalities.

Do you know the feeling I’m referencing yet?

If you’re a woman reading this blog, I’m sure you do!

Guilt.

Guilt is the feeling that tugs at every professional woman’s heartstring.

It acts like an albatross around our neck in our pursuit of work-life balance.

The feeling of guilt we experience when we are at work and our kid(s) are at home.

The feeling of guilt we experience when we are with our kids and think we should be at work.

The evergreen feeling of guilt connected to believing we don’t pay enough attention to, or spend enough time with our spouse.

And heaven forbid we take five minutes out of the day to do something for ourselves! Guilt emanates from our every pore!

Throughout all corners of the world, on every rung of the corporate ladder and within all entrepreneurial circles, working women are constantly torn by and tormented with feelings of guilt.

Unlike most men, women are plagued by what feels like competing responsibilities between our professional and personal lives, crippling our search for work-life balance.

Quite frankly, it feels as if everyone wants a piece of us – all the time.

Strategy to Eliminate Guilt

For women to achieve any semblance of work-life balance we must alleviate, or in some measure quiet this very destructive and highly unproductive feeling of guilt.

How?

By creating very clear and consistent boundaries between our work and personal life.

The establishment of boundaries lays the foundation for creating a successful career and happy and fulfilling personal life.

Boundaries are the linchpin for work-life balance!

When you are at work – spend your time and energy working.

When you are at home – give your family your undivided attention.

Be fully present in whatever you do and wherever you are.

Two Boundary Busters

1. Multi-tasking Myth

Multi-tasking, the ability to perform multiple tasks simultaneously was once considered to be all the rage.

Similar to many women, I wore my ability to multi-task as a badge of honor.

Otherwise, I thought: “How could I possibly get everything done?”

How wrong was I. Contrary to what many of us believe, current research reveals we are less productive multi-tasking than we would be if we did one thing at a time.

One of many studies recently conducted by the University of California, Irvine, discovered it takes workers an average of twenty-five minutes to regain focus after having been distracted from emails, phone calls, etc.

Therefore, multi-tasking is counter productive, and it cripples our effect for work-life balance.

Resist the temptation to multi-task!

2. Technology

Modern technology allows us to remain plugged in 24/7 – blurring the boundaries between our work and personal life –

handicapping our ability to create work-life balance.

This often gets played out in two ways.

Scenario A

When we are at work – we find ourselves checking our personal emails, surfing the web, watching Youtube videos and a zillion other activities that distract us from our work – decreasing our productivity.

And what happens next?

We either work longer hours and/or bring work home.

End Result: Guilt Increases = work-life balance becomes a casualty

Scenario B

When we are at home – we find ourselves checking our work email and other messages. This behavior might become so pervasive we don’t even know it has become a habit – until our spouse or kids ask us to “please put down your cell phone mom!”

Or we go into “stealth mode” – our mind wanders off and we think about work when we are supposed to be having a conversation with our kids or spouse. And visa versa.

End Result: Guilt Increases = work-life balance becomes a casualty

As the saying goes: “So what’s a girl to do?”

Allow technology to enhance your life. It can act as your greatest ally for creating work-life balance – as long as you control it – and it doesn’t control you.

Summary

Guilt must be conquered if you want to achieve any semblance of work-life balance.

Create boundaries and discipline yourself to honor them.

Stay focused and “on task” when at work.

Put your cell phone down. Turn your computer off. You do not have to be “on” 24/7.

Be totally present when you are at home with family and friends. And be totally present when you are at work.

Final thought

You have the ability to create work-life balance that works for you. In the final analysis – it’s your life to live! Live it! #YOLO

For more information on work-life balance strategies, check out what Barbara Corcoran of SHARK TANK fame wrote about my Amazon best selling book: “Dr. Patty Ann rolls up her sleeves to tackle what just may be the last frontier for women who yearn to create wildly successful businesses (and careers) while keeping their marriage and family life intact! This is a brilliantly written and practical jewel of a book that every female … should read and take to heart!”

To learn more about my Amazon best-selling book: “Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got a Business to Run! Enrich Your Marriage While Prospering in Your Business” go to: http://www.nottonightdearbook.com.

~ as published in The Huffington Post

Dr. Patty Ann Tublin
Emotional Intelligence, Communication and Relationship Expert

www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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Secret to a Successful Salary NegotiationAre you sick and tired of being underpaid? Read today’s newsletter where I share the ONLY secret you need to know for a successful salary negotiation.

Money does indeed make the world go round!

Let’s be completely honest – we are all working to make money.

(Some women appear to have a more difficult time embracing this concept than men, but that is a story for another day.)

Sure, many people work because they truly want to make a difference and to make the world a better place – and this is quite admirable.

But it’s hard to help others if we are continually stressed out about money –

worried about paying our bills

worried about having enough money to put our kids through college

worried about acquiring the financial security needed to retire.

Negotiation Secret

You’ve been frustrated in your futile attempts to secure a real pay raise for years.

You did your research and you know your worth.

You’ve consistently demonstrated your value and connected the dots between what you do and how it correlates to increased revenue for your company.

You’ve met with the decision-maker(s) and yet, time and time again you’ve walked away either empty-handed or with the ridiculous party line: “no one is getting a pay raise this year” blah blah blah.

Before your next salary negotiation meeting, begin to strategize for your raise -now -by asking the powers that be this ONE question:

“What are you doing now that you can’t stand doing – and that I can do for you?”

Can you imagine the shock and pleasantly surprised reaction that spreads upon your boss’ face as they begin to realize they can unload all the work they hate doing – freeing them up to do more of the work they enjoy.

Final Thought

Asking this one question consistently – and performing the given work earnestly – will set you up for a positive salary negotiation.

AND whom do you think your boss will think of when the next promotion comes along?

By laying the foundation for your salary negotiation to be about your company –and not about you – will set you up for a successful salary negotiation.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness #communicationexpert

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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Wouldn’t you agree that great leadership begins with a growth mindset?
Watch this brief video where I share the 3 qualities of a growth mindset that all leaders possess.


#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
www.linkedin.com/in/drpattyanntublin
 

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4 Communication Mistakes It’s pretty safe to say everyone agrees that effective communication skills are a vital “soft” skill for success yes?

But many people are totally unaware of every day communication mistakes that go unchecked.

These mistakes not only get in the way of your success – but they also piss people off – damaging important work relationships.

Following are 4 common communication mistakes that piss people off – and how to stop them.

4 Communication Mistakes that Piss People Off

1. Constantly interrupting when others are speaking.

We all know who these people are and they really piss us off.

Interruptions can take many forms. The most common is the question that just can’t wait until we are finished speaking our thought and/or presentation. The interrupter needs to have their question answered now!

People who constantly interrupt others exhibit poor listening skills and are usually not interested in what you are saying.

Interrupters have to say what they need to say the moment a thought or comment or question pops into their head.

No filter.

Quite frankly, they don’t really care to listen to what you have to say – after all, it’s really all about them.

If you want to damage your work relationship – make it a point to interrupt every chance you get. People will surely be pissed off at you.

Solution: Make a conscious effort to pause and breathe deeply before opening your mouth to speak. This takes practice but it is a skill that can be learned.

2. The Space Invader invades our personal space by standing way too close to us during a conversation.

This invasion of our personal space leaves us feeling uncomfortable and a little anxious at times.

Why? Space invaders upset our human desire to avoid “getting so close to other people.” For a more detailed discussion of personal space go to: http://bit.ly/personal-spaces

The appropriate speaking distance between two people, although it varies according to culture and level of intimacy, is between four (4) ft. and twelve (12) ft.

Solution: Simply know what 4-12 ft. looks like and put it into play.

3. Constantly breaking eye contact during a conversation. If you want to send someone the message they do not have your full attention –let your eyes frequently wander away from them while they are speaking.

Glancing at our phone, checking our watch –doing all sorts of other seemingly benign behavior– sends the message that you are distracted.

Or, perhaps even worse, that you have something better to do with your time than listen to them.

Conversely, unrelentingly staring at someone while they are speaking can be intimidating – and downright creepy.

You know the stare – we all do. It can leave us feeling intimidated. And no one likes it one bit.

Solution: Maintain appropriate genuine eye contact throughout the conversation. You do not want to be constantly looking away from the speaker – nor do you want to appear obsessively “locked in”. Either behavior will piss people off.

4. Poor Body Language

Over fifty (50%) of all communication takes place non-verbally. More specifically, our body language screams messages without uttering one word!

Poor posture, fidgeting, flailing arms and anything else that might distract the listener will inhibit your ability to get your message across.

Besides being distracting, it can be annoying and irritating – and yes, you guessed it, piss people off.

If you want to communicate your message with confidence, competence and poise – you must look confident, competent and poised.

Solution: Practice speaking in front of a mirror or video yourself speaking and then watch the video with the volume turned off. This will give you great insight into what message your body language is sending. Or perhaps ask someone you trust to evaluate your body language while speaking.

Practice, practice, and practice some more.

Some people are naturally effective communicators, most of us are not.

Remember – the goal of communication is to connect with others, ditch any behavior that advances this goal.

#communicationexpert #womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Watch this brief video where I share with you how to achieve work-life balance while simultaneously decreasing stress in your life!


#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

~ as recently published on The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Categories : Work-Life Balance
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