One word describes the universal feeling many, if not all women experience that inhibits their quest for work-life balance.

Whether I’m working with corporate women in the c-suite, mid-level managerial women or those beginning their career, I hear women speak about this feeling.

Entrepreneurial women are quite familiar with this nagging feeling as well.

And no other group of women is more plagued by it than working mothers.

Make no mistake about it. This feeling knows no bounds. It does not discriminate. It permeates the hearts and minds of working women from all socio-economic backgrounds, race, religions and nationalities.

Do you know the feeling I’m referencing yet?

If you’re a woman reading this blog, I’m sure you do!

Guilt.

Guilt is the feeling that tugs at every professional woman’s heartstring.

It acts like an albatross around our neck in our pursuit of work-life balance.

The feeling of guilt we experience when we are at work and our kid(s) are at home.

The feeling of guilt we experience when we are with our kids and think we should be at work.

The evergreen feeling of guilt connected to believing we don’t pay enough attention to, or spend enough time with our spouse.

And heaven forbid we take five minutes out of the day to do something for ourselves! Guilt emanates from our every pore!

Throughout all corners of the world, on every rung of the corporate ladder and within all entrepreneurial circles, working women are constantly torn by and tormented with feelings of guilt.

Unlike most men, women are plagued by what feels like competing responsibilities between our professional and personal lives, crippling our search for work-life balance.

Quite frankly, it feels as if everyone wants a piece of us – all the time.

Strategy to Eliminate Guilt

For women to achieve any semblance of work-life balance we must alleviate, or in some measure quiet this very destructive and highly unproductive feeling of guilt.

How?

By creating very clear and consistent boundaries between our work and personal life.

The establishment of boundaries lays the foundation for creating a successful career and happy and fulfilling personal life.

Boundaries are the linchpin for work-life balance!

When you are at work – spend your time and energy working.

When you are at home – give your family your undivided attention.

Be fully present in whatever you do and wherever you are.

Two Boundary Busters

1. Multi-tasking Myth

Multi-tasking, the ability to perform multiple tasks simultaneously was once considered to be all the rage.

Similar to many women, I wore my ability to multi-task as a badge of honor.

Otherwise, I thought: “How could I possibly get everything done?”

How wrong was I. Contrary to what many of us believe, current research reveals we are less productive multi-tasking than we would be if we did one thing at a time.

One of many studies recently conducted by the University of California, Irvine, discovered it takes workers an average of twenty-five minutes to regain focus after having been distracted from emails, phone calls, etc.

Therefore, multi-tasking is counter productive, and it cripples our effect for work-life balance.

Resist the temptation to multi-task!

2. Technology

Modern technology allows us to remain plugged in 24/7 – blurring the boundaries between our work and personal life –

handicapping our ability to create work-life balance.

This often gets played out in two ways.

Scenario A

When we are at work – we find ourselves checking our personal emails, surfing the web, watching Youtube videos and a zillion other activities that distract us from our work – decreasing our productivity.

And what happens next?

We either work longer hours and/or bring work home.

End Result: Guilt Increases = work-life balance becomes a casualty

Scenario B

When we are at home – we find ourselves checking our work email and other messages. This behavior might become so pervasive we don’t even know it has become a habit – until our spouse or kids ask us to “please put down your cell phone mom!”

Or we go into “stealth mode” – our mind wanders off and we think about work when we are supposed to be having a conversation with our kids or spouse. And visa versa.

End Result: Guilt Increases = work-life balance becomes a casualty

As the saying goes: “So what’s a girl to do?”

Allow technology to enhance your life. It can act as your greatest ally for creating work-life balance – as long as you control it – and it doesn’t control you.

Summary

Guilt must be conquered if you want to achieve any semblance of work-life balance.

Create boundaries and discipline yourself to honor them.

Stay focused and “on task” when at work.

Put your cell phone down. Turn your computer off. You do not have to be “on” 24/7.

Be totally present when you are at home with family and friends. And be totally present when you are at work.

Final thought

You have the ability to create work-life balance that works for you. In the final analysis – it’s your life to live! Live it! #YOLO

For more information on work-life balance strategies, check out what Barbara Corcoran of SHARK TANK fame wrote about my Amazon best selling book: “Dr. Patty Ann rolls up her sleeves to tackle what just may be the last frontier for women who yearn to create wildly successful businesses (and careers) while keeping their marriage and family life intact! This is a brilliantly written and practical jewel of a book that every female … should read and take to heart!”

To learn more about my Amazon best-selling book: “Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got a Business to Run! Enrich Your Marriage While Prospering in Your Business” go to: http://www.nottonightdearbook.com.

~ as published in The Huffington Post

Dr. Patty Ann Tublin
Emotional Intelligence, Communication and Relationship Expert

www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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Categories : Work-Life Balance
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Secret to a Successful Salary NegotiationAre you sick and tired of being underpaid? Read today’s newsletter where I share the ONLY secret you need to know for a successful salary negotiation.

Money does indeed make the world go round!

Let’s be completely honest – we are all working to make money.

(Some women appear to have a more difficult time embracing this concept than men, but that is a story for another day.)

Sure, many people work because they truly want to make a difference and to make the world a better place – and this is quite admirable.

But it’s hard to help others if we are continually stressed out about money –

worried about paying our bills

worried about having enough money to put our kids through college

worried about acquiring the financial security needed to retire.

Negotiation Secret

You’ve been frustrated in your futile attempts to secure a real pay raise for years.

You did your research and you know your worth.

You’ve consistently demonstrated your value and connected the dots between what you do and how it correlates to increased revenue for your company.

You’ve met with the decision-maker(s) and yet, time and time again you’ve walked away either empty-handed or with the ridiculous party line: “no one is getting a pay raise this year” blah blah blah.

Before your next salary negotiation meeting, begin to strategize for your raise -now -by asking the powers that be this ONE question:

“What are you doing now that you can’t stand doing – and that I can do for you?”

Can you imagine the shock and pleasantly surprised reaction that spreads upon your boss’ face as they begin to realize they can unload all the work they hate doing – freeing them up to do more of the work they enjoy.

Final Thought

Asking this one question consistently – and performing the given work earnestly – will set you up for a positive salary negotiation.

AND whom do you think your boss will think of when the next promotion comes along?

By laying the foundation for your salary negotiation to be about your company –and not about you – will set you up for a successful salary negotiation.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness #communicationexpert

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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Wouldn’t you agree that great leadership begins with a growth mindset?
Watch this brief video where I share the 3 qualities of a growth mindset that all leaders possess.


#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
www.linkedin.com/in/drpattyanntublin
 

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4 Communication Mistakes It’s pretty safe to say everyone agrees that effective communication skills are a vital “soft” skill for success yes?

But many people are totally unaware of every day communication mistakes that go unchecked.

These mistakes not only get in the way of your success – but they also piss people off – damaging important work relationships.

Following are 4 common communication mistakes that piss people off – and how to stop them.

4 Communication Mistakes that Piss People Off

1. Constantly interrupting when others are speaking.

We all know who these people are and they really piss us off.

Interruptions can take many forms. The most common is the question that just can’t wait until we are finished speaking our thought and/or presentation. The interrupter needs to have their question answered now!

People who constantly interrupt others exhibit poor listening skills and are usually not interested in what you are saying.

Interrupters have to say what they need to say the moment a thought or comment or question pops into their head.

No filter.

Quite frankly, they don’t really care to listen to what you have to say – after all, it’s really all about them.

If you want to damage your work relationship – make it a point to interrupt every chance you get. People will surely be pissed off at you.

Solution: Make a conscious effort to pause and breathe deeply before opening your mouth to speak. This takes practice but it is a skill that can be learned.

2. The Space Invader invades our personal space by standing way too close to us during a conversation.

This invasion of our personal space leaves us feeling uncomfortable and a little anxious at times.

Why? Space invaders upset our human desire to avoid “getting so close to other people.” For a more detailed discussion of personal space go to: http://bit.ly/personal-spaces

The appropriate speaking distance between two people, although it varies according to culture and level of intimacy, is between four (4) ft. and twelve (12) ft.

Solution: Simply know what 4-12 ft. looks like and put it into play.

3. Constantly breaking eye contact during a conversation. If you want to send someone the message they do not have your full attention –let your eyes frequently wander away from them while they are speaking.

Glancing at our phone, checking our watch –doing all sorts of other seemingly benign behavior– sends the message that you are distracted.

Or, perhaps even worse, that you have something better to do with your time than listen to them.

Conversely, unrelentingly staring at someone while they are speaking can be intimidating – and downright creepy.

You know the stare – we all do. It can leave us feeling intimidated. And no one likes it one bit.

Solution: Maintain appropriate genuine eye contact throughout the conversation. You do not want to be constantly looking away from the speaker – nor do you want to appear obsessively “locked in”. Either behavior will piss people off.

4. Poor Body Language

Over fifty (50%) of all communication takes place non-verbally. More specifically, our body language screams messages without uttering one word!

Poor posture, fidgeting, flailing arms and anything else that might distract the listener will inhibit your ability to get your message across.

Besides being distracting, it can be annoying and irritating – and yes, you guessed it, piss people off.

If you want to communicate your message with confidence, competence and poise – you must look confident, competent and poised.

Solution: Practice speaking in front of a mirror or video yourself speaking and then watch the video with the volume turned off. This will give you great insight into what message your body language is sending. Or perhaps ask someone you trust to evaluate your body language while speaking.

Practice, practice, and practice some more.

Some people are naturally effective communicators, most of us are not.

Remember – the goal of communication is to connect with others, ditch any behavior that advances this goal.

#communicationexpert #womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Watch this brief video where I share with you how to achieve work-life balance while simultaneously decreasing stress in your life!


#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

~ as recently published on The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Categories : Work-Life Balance
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Jun
05

TV Interview June 5, 2017

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Dr. Patty Ann interview June 5th on WTNH CT Style. Topic: How to avoid a Tiger Woods meltdown.

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great-communicators-smlDon’t you just love this quote from the comedian George Bernard Shaw: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Ineffective communication is often at the root of failed leadership, disengaged employees, poor customer service and failed marriages.

The inability to connect with others is a symptom of ineffective communication.

John C. Maxwell, an internationally renowned leadership expert wrote a best selling book titled: “Everyone communicates, Few Connect”.

How true that statement is!

“Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.” John C Maxwell

The ability to connect is what all great communicators nail down.

And they connect with people on an emotional level.

It is impossible to become a great leader, a great spouse, a great parent and a great friend if you cannot connect with others.

You can’t influence someone if you can’t build a connection with them.

Following are 7 effective strategies that great communicators use to connect with people.

Master these skills and watch your connection and influence with others soar!

1. It’s Not About ME – it’s about YOU (the person or the audience).

Great communicators do not try to impress their audience with their credentials, what they know and how smart they are.

They relate to the audience based upon where the audience is – so they feel understood.

This is true whether it is an audience of one or one million people.

2. Authentic. Great communicators stay true to themselves.

People can smell a phony a mile away! That is why great communicators don’t try to be anyone they are not.

People are drawn to others who radiate authenticity and honesty.

When people are drawn to you – chances are they will be drawn to your message as well.

Authenticity is the glue that binds the connection.

3. Read Body Language Like a Book. Research shows well over 50% of all communication is non-verbal. Therefore, the greatest source of truthful information is revealed in people’s body language.

Body language is constant. Unlike verbal communication, non-verbal communication never stops. It’s always sending signals about how someone thinks and feels.

Great communicators are experts when it comes to reading body language. They can read facial expressions and other non-verbal gestures that reveal how someone really feels and what they really think (which may be at odds with what they say).

Every great communicator knows it is just as important to know what is not being said, as much as it is to know what is being said.

4. Communicate with Authority without being Arrogant. Great communicators speak clearly and directly about how they feel and what they believe.

They do not leave you guessing as to what their message is because they tell it like it is.

Although great communicators are direct, they are not rude or offensive.

5. Active Listening Skills

Great communicators remain totally present while actively listening to others when they speak. They are not distracted by their surroundings or their own thoughts.

They remain totally focused on the speaker and what is being said to them.

The only way to insure your listener knows they are being heard is to actively listen to them.

Reframing is one of the most powerful techniques that are essential to active listening. Simply, you re-frame what someone has just said to you to insure you heard them correctly. For example you might say: “You’re basically saying the team is having a difficult time implementing this strategy, correct?”

6. Every Single Person in the Room Believes You are Talking Directly to Them!

When speaking to a large audience, great communicators develop a level of intimacy with the audience that makes every single person in the room feel as if they are the only person in the room.

This is no easy feat. It requires the ability to be genuine and express the same feelings and energy you would emit when speaking to an individual, as opposed to getting consumed by the anxiety of a large crowd.

If you’ve ever been in a large audience and yet you felt the speaker was talking directly to you – you know how emotional this experience can be – and how lasting that connection becomes!

7. Connect with Feelings not Facts. All great communicators know that you emotionally connect with your audience.

As Maya Angelou said: “People will forget what you said and did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

Enough said!

Every great communicator connects with their audience. Utilizing the above strategies will increase your ability to connect with the people in your professional and personal world.

#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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Wouldn’t it boost your career if you could learn to effectively communicate? Watch my video blog where I share 3 simple tips on how to become a more effective communicator.



#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Remember the rising star in your company whom everyone “just knew” was going to rocket to stardom?

Yet his career never seemed to take off.

It’s not that he wasn’t smart. He was.

It’s not that he didn’t work hard. He did.

It’s not that he wasn’t well liked. He was.

Yet, in the wake of a stellar lift off, his career seemed to stall after being launched.

What exactly happened?

This rising star allowed his success to reach its expiration date!

Yes, everyone’s (current) success has an expiration date attached to it.

In the book written by Spencer Johnson titled: “Who Moved My Cheese?” Johnson discusses how to successfully deal with the inevitable changes we face in both our personal and professional lives.

And if one thing in life is certain, besides death and taxes, it’s change.

The rising star whose success expired failed to successfully navigate professional change.

He failed to remain relevant.

What was cutting edge technology today may well be irrelevant tomorrow.

What was known to be a “sure thing” today, is factually proven wrong tomorrow.

Forecasted trends prove worthless in a global economy whose rapid pace of change is staggering.

Following are some valuable ways to help you stay relevant – so your success does not reach its expiration date:

1. Adapt to the changing landscape. The only thing constant is change. Rather than waste your time and energy fighting change, learn to adapt to it. Otherwise, you and your skill-set will become obsolete.

2. Be Flexible. The Japanese observe how, during a heavy snowfall, the resilient bamboo bends but the unyielding oak breaks. As the winds of change blow in your company and your field, rather than strongly resisting it – be flexible and embrace it.

3. Be Pro-active. Seek out the upcoming trends and educate yourself about them. Staying ahead of the curve will keep you relevant.

4. Observe and Listen. Observe the trends and listen to its experts. Then perform your own due diligence.

5. Read. Reading is arguably the best way to stay on top of your game. Reading will let you know what is “in” and “out” in your industry, and where things may be headed. Reading will keep you informed and ahead of the curve.

The information, knowledge and expertise that made you successful today, may be totally irrelevant for tomorrow’s success. It is your responsibility to stay relevant so your success does not reach an expiration date.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
www.linkedin.com/in/drpattyanntublin
 

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Wouldn’t it be a tremendous advantage if you could increase your emotional intelligence (E.I.) at work & in your personal relationships? Watch this brief video where I share 3 habits that highly emotionally intelligent people consistently display.


#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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