Holiday Office Party Remember the guy from last year’s holiday party that got so drunk he threw up all over himself – and everyone around him?

Or the gal who showed up so scantily dressed you did a double take (for all the wrong reasons) when she walked in the room?

Of course you do! And so does everyone else.

Holiday Office Parties are Back!

Once thought gone for good, the office holiday party is back!

And make no mistake about it; these parties are not really parties. They are business events masquerading as parties.

We’ve all heard and/or seen people commit career suicide due to their inappropriate behavior at these events.

Sure, these parties are a chance to hang out with business colleagues, usually in a fun and informal setting.

Do not be lured into the false pretense that you are hanging out with your friends – no matter how good the music, the booze or the food.

Do’s and Don’ts for the Office Holiday Party

Below is a list of do’s and don’ts for your company’s holiday party to avoid politically shooting yourself in the foot while spreading good cheer!

1. GO! Don’t even think about blowing this party off.

Love em or hate em, it will serve you well to be seen at them.

Even if this party is touted as being optional – that doesn’t really mean it is. Your absence may very well be noticed. Worse – it may be prone to misinterpretation (he/she is not a team player, is aloof, is a snob, etc.).

Look at this as an opportunity to socialize with people you work with day in and day out – but don’t really get a chance to interact with outside of office hours.

You might be surprised to discover how much you actually enjoy your colleagues company outside the constraints of the corporate environment.

2. Network. It’s not good enough to just show up. Since you’re already there – you might as well make the most of it.

This is a great opportunity to network with the movers and shakers of your company (i.e., upper management and executives) whom you would normally not have access to.

If you’ve never met them before, make it your business to introduce yourself with a brief introduction and non-work related conversation.

If you already know these key players, take this as an opportunity to develop a somewhat more personal connection with them.

Talk about appropriate personal information. For example, talk about your favorite sport team or clothing designer; ask about their hobbies, etc.

(Be careful when asking about the spouse – you might not know if that relationship is on the rocks or not!)

Before leaving the party, try to do your best to make sure you had at least a brief conversation with all the key players who were in attendance. You took the time to go – you might as well get credit for it!

3. Dress Appropriately. The office holiday party is not the time to come slinking in with a way too high mini-skirt or stained T-shirt.

Rule of thumb: the venue dictates the dress code. If you are in doubt as to how formal or casual the party will be, ask someone whom you believe will know.

Every office has that someone who seems to know this stuff!

4. Moderation is the word of the evening! All behavior in moderation.

Yes, you are at a party. I’m not trying to be a fuddy duddy or repetitive, but as I said earlier – this party is really a business event.

Don’t be seduced into believing you are out partying with your friends, no matter how good the booze, food or music is!

Keeping that in mind – eat, drink and talk in moderation.

You don’t want to be speaking with meatball sauce dripping down your chin. And there is nothing funny about being drunk – period.

Try to avoid speaking too much about anything – especially yourself! Nobody wants to hear about how awesome & brilliant your kids are. They really don’t!

Absolutely no offensive jokes or inappropriate comments – this includes gossip. Enough said.

Avoid conversational landmines – and you know all the usual suspects: i.e., politics, religion, etc.

Final Thought

Whether you love or hate these parties, it’s a smart career move to go and make the most of them.

All success begins with relationships. Use the office holiday party as a way to develop deeper relationships with your colleagues. Besides having fun, you might be surprised as to how much it gives your career a boost!

#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Categories : Work Environment
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Yes, there are cultural and institutional barriers that prevent women from entering the C-suite.

Yes, there are cultural and institutional barriers that prevent women from getting paid what they are worth.

However, are women going to wait for these institutional and cultural forces to change so they can climb the corporate ladder and get paid what they deserve?

To paraphrase Gandhi: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Every woman must take individual responsibility for their career advancement and pay by learning the following 3 skills.

3 Skills Necessary for Success

1. Self-Promotion. Women must learn the art of self-promotion.

Women, unlike men, have a very difficult time promoting themselves. We find it difficult to share our victories and, to be blunt, it’s hard for women to brag!

We often remain silent during meetings.

And sometimes when we do speak up, we often allow our ideas to be ignored or totally dismissed. Yet, a man might make the same exact suggestion or observation five minutes later, and he’s a genius.

Good Girl Syndrome

Women fall prey to the “good girl” syndrome. It prevents us from promoting ourselves and from asking for more opportunities that will advance our career. It also plays a major role in the gender wage gap because women refuse to ask for a raise.

Sure, mentors and sponsors are invaluable for women to advance their career; however, they will not take the place of appropriately promoting your own accomplishments and ambitions.

2. Strategic Networking. Women mistakenly believe that if they work and do a good job, their hard work will get noticed and be rewarded.

I’m afraid that is not always true!

While doing an awesome job and acting professionally is favorably looked upon in the work force, in and of itself these qualities will not advance your career. You cannot be your department’s best kept secret.

Do not underestimate the value of attending happy hour and other informal networking opportunities.

Strategically network with the decision-maker(s) who can advance your career.

Find out who the decision-makers are – and who influences them. Then consciously develop a genuine relationship with them.

3. Avoid being stereotyped. Countless times I’ve seen women who have worked so hard to get a seat at the table, only to remove themselves. How? Women automatically say, “yes” when asked to take the minutes of the meeting. Or they jump up to fix the soda machine when someone says it is broken. Or they ask others if they would like a cup of coffee, as they are getting one for themselves.

I’m not suggesting women act rudely. I’m suggesting women need to consciously avoid any behavior that may inadvertently reinforce female stereotypes that will negatively impact how we are perceived.

Self-promotion, strategic networking and avoidance of any activities that will reinforce a negative stereotype are critical to a woman’s success – especially if you’re working in a male-dominated industry.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness #communicationexpert

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

The New York Times reached out to me when they needed an expert on gender wage inequality. Here is a copy of The New York Times Sunday, Oct.15, 2017 column called: “The Workologist” where I’m quoted. Enjoy.

Addressing a Gender Pay Disconnect
by Rob Walker

I recently completed a certification process in my field. This took several years and required clearing numerous hurdles. A few others in my office completed the same process. Typically, in our profession, this merits a raise.

It takes several months for a state board and other entities to process the materials and issue formal documentation. I and another woman in my office were told we would have to wait for that process to conclude before we got our raises. However, two men who finished around the same time received their raises earlier. I asked my boss directly about this and he confirmed that they had, but did not offer me any insight into what that meant for me.

To me, this seems like sexism, whether the bosses realize it or not. For some reason it was more imperative to give these guys a raise immediately, before they had their documents in hand, and less important to expedite this process for the women.

I work for a small and somewhat new company, and the bosses don’t have much formal business background. The culture is laid back and casual, and that’s part of the appeal for most people who work here. This affects the way that the office is run, and it may be relevant here. We have no human resources department. So what can I do about this? I don’t want to create a hostile environment for myself.

NEW YORK

You started to have exactly the conversation you needed to have with your boss — then stopped before you got to the really important part. You can give it another shot; you’ll just need to plan ahead a bit.

For some strategic perspective, I checked with Dr. Patty Ann Tublin, a psychologist who is the chief executive officer of consultancy Relationship Toolbox and author of “Money Can Buy You Happiness: Secrets Women Need to Know to Get Paid What They Are Worth!” What you’re looking for, she says, isn’t a confrontation, but a conversation.

Gender pay disparity is, obviously, a real phenomenon, and you’re right to question what’s going on here. But you may not have all the relevant information about those two male employees. That’s one reason Dr. Tublin suggests steering away from focusing too much on comparisons to a specific peer.

Instead, she suggests, try an additional round of due diligence. “Go online and research what your job is worth,” she says, factoring in your specific title, your industry, and your location (along with the new certification). Then arrange a meeting with the relevant boss. Ask about your general career trajectory, given the skills you’ve acquired.

Then, without making any accusations, ask for some clarity on why your case was handled one way, and those male peers seemed to get different treatment. “Then be quiet,” Dr. Tublin says, “and see what they say.”

Perhaps the response will involve some convincing difference. If not, you could propose that your raise be made retroactive to the date you completed the certification process. If the answer is no, try something like: “Please help me understand. What is different about what’s going on for me and what happened with them?” And follow that up by pushing for specific performance-review goals (informed by your own research) that would bring you to parity.

It seems that you don’t want a more overt showdown, but if you’re left convinced that gender is the only reason you’re not being paid what you’re worth, Dr. Tublin concludes, “then at some point you need to decide whether that’s the company you want to work for.”

“Promoted,” Without a Solid Raise

I was recently “promoted.” I put that in quotes because the promotion did not include a new title, base-pay increase, or substantial change in responsibility. However, I am now eligible for an end-of-year bonus that I’m told typically averages 20 percent. That’s not chump change, but it’s not guaranteed.

Of course, many business reasons exist for deferred compensation. But I can’t help feeling that this is a raw deal. The business area I’m in has been setting new earnings records practically every quarter.

Any advice on how to reopen a conversation about base pay?

ANONYMOUS

In the short term, consider simply treating this as good news: It sounds as if your employer, without prompting, has put you in a position where you are likely to make more money for doing the same work. This will put you in a better frame of mind to move forward.

Now think about what you want to happen next — in six months, or a year. Decide what, specifically, you want, and have a conversation with your manager about what you need to do to attain that goal.

Obviously you don’t want to frame the matter quite so selfishly. But it seems that your bosses value you, and your objective is to build on that — for their benefit as well as yours.

~ as posted in The New York Times

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Categories : Women and Money
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Oct
04

“Good Girls Be Damned”

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Don’t tell me it isn’t true. Women are raised to behave like “good girls”.

And the “good girl” syndrome that society has ingrained in us prevents women from advancing up the corporate ladder.

It also plays a role in gender inequality (as discussed in my Amazon best selling book: “Money Can Buy You Happiness: Secrets Women Need to Know to Get Paid What They Are Worth”. (www.womenandmoneybook.com)

The high value placed on being the “good girl” runs rampant throughout women’s lives. It begins in preschool and extends throughout high school – and even into college, with teachers, coaches, and youth leaders praising and rewarding “good girl” behavior.

What exactly does “good girl” behavior look like?

Childhood “good girl” behavior

It’s demonstrated by girls who follow the rules, wait their turn, stay in line, play fairly, share, seek consensus, accept authority, maintain (and not challenge) the status quo.

Teachers tell parents their daughter is a “good girl” because she “never gives me any trouble,” “always does what she is told,” “cooperates,” “helps others,” “is patient,” etc.

Adulthood “good girl” behavior

Adult “good girl” behavior is exhibited by women who are people-pleasers and consumed with perfectionism. In their attempt to please everyone, women sacrifice their own happiness and voice in their personal and professional lives.

In the workplace, this “good girl” behavior makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for women to advocate for themselves, lead, take initiative, and ruffle feathers when it is appropriately called for.

It’s not hard to see how the “good girl” syndrome as exhibited by women in the work place significantly contributes to the abysmal representation of women in the C-suite, on the Board of Directors and other leadership roles within the corporate world.

To increase the number of women in the ranks of leadership – and to make sure women get paid what we are worth – women must ditch the “good girl” syndrome and learn to advocate for themselves, speak up and insure their voice is heard.

#communicationexpert #womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Categories : Women and Money
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Wouldn’t you like to know how people with high Emotional Intelligence network? Watch this brief video where I share 3 tools all emotionally intelligent people use to successfully network.


#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork #emotionalintelligence

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Feeling pressed for time, I accidentally hit “reply all” instead of “reply” when responding to an email. As soon as my finger left the key, panic struck! I immediately began worrying about the negative ramifications of my mistake and whom I might have pissed off!

Can you relate to the feeling of dread and panic described above? Does your behavior when stressed tend to help or harm your efforts?

Given the unrelenting demands most of us experience, I’m pretty sure we’ve all wanted a “do over” from time to time. Not only has social media made such a "do over" impossible, it often allows our mistakes to live on forever in a gazillion social platforms.

If only we could stay calm under pressure!

“Keep Calm and Carry On!”

The key to staying calm under pressure is found in our brain. If we can train our brain to be our ally, instead of our foe when stressed, we will be able to stay calm under pressure.

Following are 10 effective behaviors that will train your brain to help you stay calm under pressure.

1. Be Grateful! Countless research demonstrates that people who are grateful for the positive things in their lives have lower cortisol levels – the hormone associated with stress. Researchers at the University of California, Davis demonstrated that people who felt gratitude had increased energy, positive moods and an overall healthy sense of well-being. If you begin your day feeling calm, it will be easier to stay calm when stress comes your way.

For more information on how gratitude impacts your health and your ability to handle stress, click here.

2. Think Positively. When under pressure, if you can think of a positive situation or thought, it will distract your brain from dwelling on the negativity of the stressful situation, which often feeds on itself, creating a circular doom and gloom case scenario in your brain.

Thinking positive thoughts allows your brain to keep stress in check by shifting its attention to a “stress-free” zone in our brain.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” William James

3. Go off the Grid. I know, I know, it is really hard to shut off your cell phone, pull yourself away from your computer, and totally disengage from the electronic world. However, it is imperative you do just that; otherwise you are in danger of frying your brain and burning out. If feeling overwhelmed is your emotional baseline, stressful situations are bound to put you over the edge.

Being constantly “on” does not give your brain the opportunity to rest, de-stress and re-charge, making manageable irritations feel unmanageable.

If you’re reading this blog I’m pretty sure our national security is not riding on your availability. Therefore, train yourself and let others know (in an appropriate way) that you are “off the grid” for specific periods of time such as evenings or weekends.

4. Get Sleep. When we are sleep deprived normal stressors are blown out of proportion, often feeling insurmountable. Following a good night’s sleep, that same stressor experienced when sleep deprived doesn’t feel like such a big deal.

Take a page from the old milk commercial: “sleep does a body good!” Click here to read the scientific proof behind this statement.

5. Be Active. Physical activity keeps your body and mind healthy. You don’t have to train for a triathlon to gain all the wonderful benefits physical activity has on your health and overall well being. Simple activities such as walking and climbing stairs get the job done.

Physical activity stimulates the vagus nerve (a part of the autonomic nervous system) that calms the body down, which is necessary for staying calm when under pressure.

6. Practice Meditation. Studies show meditation helps with stress, blood pressure and staying calm in stressful situations. Meditation activates alpha brainwaves that relax you, allowing you to mentally distract yourself from things that are bothering you. Click here to read more on how mediation helps you stay calm when stressed.

7. Don’t Play the Victim. When things don’t go according to plan, professionally and personally, avoid the “whoa is me” thinking. Playing the victim only adds stress to what is an already stressful situation.

Remember – we cannot control all the stressors that appear in our lives, but we can control how we respond to them.

8. Eat Healthy. A few years ago my son introduced me to a book titled: “It Starts With Food” – and the title says it all. Food provides the fuel and foundation for a healthy brain. A healthy brain is key to staying calm when under duress.

9. Breathe Fully. Breathing provides oxygen to the brain. IF the brain is not appropriately oxygenated, it is impossible to stay calm under pressure.

The appropriate way to breathe is to inhale deeply filling up your chest and stomach with air, then exhaling slowly and deliberately. Click here to read more on how to breathe stress out of your body.

10. Keep it All in Perspective. Two questions I’ve asked my clients and kids over the years when things go wrong: “What is the worst thing that can happen now?” and “Will this make any difference in two years?”

Chances are the answer to these questions will not incur loss of life. Anything less than that must be kept in perspective. Sure, your boss might yell at you, you might lose a big account, your spouse might be really pissed off, but nobody is going to die.

Incorporating the above behaviors into your life will result in having a trained brain that will help you stay calm when under pressure.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 


#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Categories : Women and Money
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One word describes the universal feeling many, if not all women experience that inhibits their quest for work-life balance.

Whether I’m working with corporate women in the c-suite, mid-level managerial women or those beginning their career, I hear women speak about this feeling.

Entrepreneurial women are quite familiar with this nagging feeling as well.

And no other group of women is more plagued by it than working mothers.

Make no mistake about it. This feeling knows no bounds. It does not discriminate. It permeates the hearts and minds of working women from all socio-economic backgrounds, race, religions and nationalities.

Do you know the feeling I’m referencing yet?

If you’re a woman reading this blog, I’m sure you do!

Guilt.

Guilt is the feeling that tugs at every professional woman’s heartstring.

It acts like an albatross around our neck in our pursuit of work-life balance.

The feeling of guilt we experience when we are at work and our kid(s) are at home.

The feeling of guilt we experience when we are with our kids and think we should be at work.

The evergreen feeling of guilt connected to believing we don’t pay enough attention to, or spend enough time with our spouse.

And heaven forbid we take five minutes out of the day to do something for ourselves! Guilt emanates from our every pore!

Throughout all corners of the world, on every rung of the corporate ladder and within all entrepreneurial circles, working women are constantly torn by and tormented with feelings of guilt.

Unlike most men, women are plagued by what feels like competing responsibilities between our professional and personal lives, crippling our search for work-life balance.

Quite frankly, it feels as if everyone wants a piece of us – all the time.

Strategy to Eliminate Guilt

For women to achieve any semblance of work-life balance we must alleviate, or in some measure quiet this very destructive and highly unproductive feeling of guilt.

How?

By creating very clear and consistent boundaries between our work and personal life.

The establishment of boundaries lays the foundation for creating a successful career and happy and fulfilling personal life.

Boundaries are the linchpin for work-life balance!

When you are at work – spend your time and energy working.

When you are at home – give your family your undivided attention.

Be fully present in whatever you do and wherever you are.

Two Boundary Busters

1. Multi-tasking Myth

Multi-tasking, the ability to perform multiple tasks simultaneously was once considered to be all the rage.

Similar to many women, I wore my ability to multi-task as a badge of honor.

Otherwise, I thought: “How could I possibly get everything done?”

How wrong was I. Contrary to what many of us believe, current research reveals we are less productive multi-tasking than we would be if we did one thing at a time.

One of many studies recently conducted by the University of California, Irvine, discovered it takes workers an average of twenty-five minutes to regain focus after having been distracted from emails, phone calls, etc.

Therefore, multi-tasking is counter productive, and it cripples our effect for work-life balance.

Resist the temptation to multi-task!

2. Technology

Modern technology allows us to remain plugged in 24/7 – blurring the boundaries between our work and personal life –

handicapping our ability to create work-life balance.

This often gets played out in two ways.

Scenario A

When we are at work – we find ourselves checking our personal emails, surfing the web, watching Youtube videos and a zillion other activities that distract us from our work – decreasing our productivity.

And what happens next?

We either work longer hours and/or bring work home.

End Result: Guilt Increases = work-life balance becomes a casualty

Scenario B

When we are at home – we find ourselves checking our work email and other messages. This behavior might become so pervasive we don’t even know it has become a habit – until our spouse or kids ask us to “please put down your cell phone mom!”

Or we go into “stealth mode” – our mind wanders off and we think about work when we are supposed to be having a conversation with our kids or spouse. And visa versa.

End Result: Guilt Increases = work-life balance becomes a casualty

As the saying goes: “So what’s a girl to do?”

Allow technology to enhance your life. It can act as your greatest ally for creating work-life balance – as long as you control it – and it doesn’t control you.

Summary

Guilt must be conquered if you want to achieve any semblance of work-life balance.

Create boundaries and discipline yourself to honor them.

Stay focused and “on task” when at work.

Put your cell phone down. Turn your computer off. You do not have to be “on” 24/7.

Be totally present when you are at home with family and friends. And be totally present when you are at work.

Final thought

You have the ability to create work-life balance that works for you. In the final analysis – it’s your life to live! Live it! #YOLO

For more information on work-life balance strategies, check out what Barbara Corcoran of SHARK TANK fame wrote about my Amazon best selling book: “Dr. Patty Ann rolls up her sleeves to tackle what just may be the last frontier for women who yearn to create wildly successful businesses (and careers) while keeping their marriage and family life intact! This is a brilliantly written and practical jewel of a book that every female … should read and take to heart!”

To learn more about my Amazon best-selling book: “Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got a Business to Run! Enrich Your Marriage While Prospering in Your Business” go to: http://www.nottonightdearbook.com.

~ as published in The Huffington Post

Dr. Patty Ann Tublin
Emotional Intelligence, Communication and Relationship Expert

www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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Categories : Work-Life Balance
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Secret to a Successful Salary NegotiationAre you sick and tired of being underpaid? Read today’s newsletter where I share the ONLY secret you need to know for a successful salary negotiation.

Money does indeed make the world go round!

Let’s be completely honest – we are all working to make money.

(Some women appear to have a more difficult time embracing this concept than men, but that is a story for another day.)

Sure, many people work because they truly want to make a difference and to make the world a better place – and this is quite admirable.

But it’s hard to help others if we are continually stressed out about money –

worried about paying our bills

worried about having enough money to put our kids through college

worried about acquiring the financial security needed to retire.

Negotiation Secret

You’ve been frustrated in your futile attempts to secure a real pay raise for years.

You did your research and you know your worth.

You’ve consistently demonstrated your value and connected the dots between what you do and how it correlates to increased revenue for your company.

You’ve met with the decision-maker(s) and yet, time and time again you’ve walked away either empty-handed or with the ridiculous party line: “no one is getting a pay raise this year” blah blah blah.

Before your next salary negotiation meeting, begin to strategize for your raise -now -by asking the powers that be this ONE question:

“What are you doing now that you can’t stand doing – and that I can do for you?”

Can you imagine the shock and pleasantly surprised reaction that spreads upon your boss’ face as they begin to realize they can unload all the work they hate doing – freeing them up to do more of the work they enjoy.

Final Thought

Asking this one question consistently – and performing the given work earnestly – will set you up for a positive salary negotiation.

AND whom do you think your boss will think of when the next promotion comes along?

By laying the foundation for your salary negotiation to be about your company –and not about you – will set you up for a successful salary negotiation.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness #communicationexpert

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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Wouldn’t you agree that great leadership begins with a growth mindset?
Watch this brief video where I share the 3 qualities of a growth mindset that all leaders possess.


#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox
www.linkedin.com/in/drpattyanntublin
 

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