For all you followers out there who read my articles, you know I love to reveal my proven strategies and tips for having the romantic relationship you want and deserve in your lives. All of these strategies and techniques are unequivocally necessary for rekindling romance and happiness in your relationship. BUT – they are all worthless without the one secret which I am about to pull the curtain back on and reveal to you today! Can you guess what it is? Once I have revealed this secret and most effective relationship tool, believe me, you will never forget it!

Remember the childhood fairytale of “Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs?” Did you have a favorite dwarf? Anyway … Remember the part of the fairytale when the witch looks in the mirror and says; “Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the fairest of them all”? And the response the witch hears back is: “Snow White”. This unexpected response from the mirror to the witch’s question takes the witch by utter surprise and leaves her seething in anger. The mirror revealed the truth that everybody else knew but that the witch was certainly not expecting. Mirror reveals truths that we are not always willing to see when we look into them.

Well, a mirror (you know that glassy thing that you look into almost the moment you wake up in the morning, glance at how many times during the course of a day and then look at again before you go to sleep at night) reflects unbridled truth. This mirror is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the secret, most effective relationship tool you must have that holds the key for rekindling love and romance in your relationship.

An honest look in the mirror is virtually guaranteed to rekindle love and romance in your relationship because all change starts with changing ourselves. Look in the mirror frequently and with honesty because we cannot change anyone but the person being reflected back at us in the mirror we hold in our hand. This is not hyperbole, this is a fact!

Why is this true? We are often reluctant, and maybe even a little afraid, to take a long hard look in the mirror to see what baggage we are bringing to the table that is negatively impacting our relationship. We find it very difficult to take a look in the mirror because, truth be told, it is so much easier to just point our finger and place all the problems in our relationship on our partner.

Take a moment and think about your own romantic relationship. I would bet you dollars to donuts you could provide me with a laundry list of complaints and character flaws about your partner in a New York minute. Right? However, we are often hard pressed to provide a list of our own personal character flaws and limitations. Yet, our character traits and issues might very well be the ones responsible for detouring our relationship off the course of true love and intimacy that we so desperately crave.

So often we are unforgiving, intolerant and most critical when we see in our partner our own imperfections. But we refuse to acknowledge these flaws and we avoid looking in the mirror at all costs so we don’t have to face them!

To keep love and romance alive in our relationship, it is imperative that we pull out our mirror and reflect upon what we are really seeing – not what we want to see but what is truly there. The chasm between these two thoughts can be as wide as the Grand Canyon.

Next time you are about to blame and/or criticize your partner – stop and take a long hard look in the mirror. Maybe you will see that you too, are also contributing and responsible for the difficulties you are “facing” in your relationship. Whether you face it or not, the truth remains the same. So pick up your mirror and you will begin to change the only person in your relationship that you can truly change – yourself!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann


  1. Grace Heer says:

    But Dr. Patty Ann… I’m *perfect*. 😉
    This is a great reminder to take my own responsibility. I’m reading The Art of Possibility, and which includes a whole chapter on just this. Fascinating the different ways in which we can release the blame!
    Happy Days,
    Grace Heer

    • Dr.Patty Ann says:

      Hi Grace,

      Thank you for your “perfect” comment!! LOL!!! And yes, we can be oh so creative when it comes to pointing the finger – but you know what “they” say – when you point one finger at someone – you are pointing three fingers at yourself. Something to think about!!

      Dr. Patty Ann

  2. Thank you Dr. Patty Ann!
    Dr. Robert Fenell
    Repetitive Strain Injuries

  3. Hi Dr. Robert,

    Thank you for your comment – no smoke and mirrors for you – LOL!

    Dr. Patty Ann

  4. Oh yes, that piece of glass we can’t seem to live without. So often we just see the ‘reflection’ (myself in reverse) and not the person the world sees. Good article Dr. Patty Ann!
    .-= Get Clear Goals with Lynn Moore´s last blog ..Belief Systems and Achieving Your Goals-What’s the Connection? =-.

  5. Dr.Patty Ann says:

    Hi Lynn,

    Thanks so much for your comments! You are correct – even when we look in the mirror – we sometimes only “see” what we want to see and not what is really there. So true.

    Dr. Patty Ann

  6. Hi Patty Ann and Grace – I am a great fan of The Art of Possibility Thinking – your comments always hit me right between the eyes
    Heidi Alexandra

  7. Lisa Manyon says:

    Dr. Patty Ann,

    This is so true and something I’ve shared w/ girlfriends when they are complaining about partners. We must each take individual responsibility for who we are and how we respond to our relationships as well as WHAT we are attracting.

    Write on!~


  8. I’m always up for betting dollars for doughnuts! 🙂 From working together in our telecourse series “How to Have an Organized Home Even With a Disorganized Spouse,” I know you always have amazing — and honest — tips. Here is yet another example! Thanks, Dr. Patty Ann!!! – Carmen

  9. Sue Painter says:

    It’s much easier to shine the mirror onto your partner than to look in it yourself. But, looking within is the key to honesty and personal growth. Thanks, Patty Ann.
    Sue Painter

  10. Love the whole ‘mirror’ picture, Patty Ann! There’s always something to learn about myself when I actually look honestly in the mirror.

    As someone said recently, ‘I used to be Snow White but I drifted.’

    I’ll look in the mirror differently tomorrow morning! Thanks!

    Blessings, Rosemary

  11. Spot on as always!! LOVE your material, your approach, and your advice. I can only change me and my own perpective. Period. XO Katherine
    Life Blossoming Systems

  12. So true, Patty! – it is so much easier to point out the flaws in the other person; when many times we should be looking to ourself first!

  13. Phil Dyer says:

    You make way too much sense! I think you need your own TV show…

    .-= Phil Dyer´s last blog ..Enter the Entrepreneurial “No Fear” Zone… =-.

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