staycalm3The ability to stay calm under pressure is often found in people with high levels of Emotional Intelligence. In the workplace, the ability to stay calm in the eye of the storm directly correlates with high performance.

TalentSmart research found that 90% of the best performing employees possess the ability to control and manage their emotions under pressure. Consequently, these people do not allow unbridled emotions and/or impulses to drive their decisions or actions.

People with high levels of Emotional Intelligence control their emotions, rather than allowing their emotions to control them.

Following are four simple ways to learn how to control your emotions so you can stay calm under pressure. The ability to manage your emotions will increase your emotional intelligence and overall performance, thereby increasing your success at work.

1. Get off Grid! Never ending work results in never ending stress. Working 24/7 seven days a week damages your body and brain. Everyone needs to give his or her brain and body a break.

You might think it’s cool you are always “on” but research shows your level of productivity diminishes once you hit the 50-hour work week.

CNBC published an article discussing the ineffectiveness of overworking in an article titled: “Memo to work martyrs: Long hours make you less productive.” Check it out here.

Technology often makes it appear to be a herculean task to disconnect from work.

My advice here is to quite simply – turn it off! This includes your computer, your cell phone, your iPad and any automatic electronic notifications that “alert” you to incoming work messages. Unless you are a brain surgeon or involved in national security (and if you are reading this blog my guess is you are not), most incoming messages you are receiving “off “ hours are not that urgent! Really, they are not, so don’t flatter yourself!

Finally, totally unplug for a specific timeframe every single day. If that is impossible due to the nature of your work – then unplug at least over the weekends and during vacations and holidays.

YOU must control technology, rather than having technology control you.

Going completely off the grid will do your body and brain a world of good. It will give you a chance to rest, refuel and reenergize – otherwise you will always be running on fumes.

AND – to the point of this blog, going off the grid will directly increase your ability to stay calm under pressure – allowing your decisions to be made thoughtfully – not impulsively.

2. Keep things in perspective. All stressors and pressures are not created equal. S**t happens. It happens to everyone. It happens every day to someone. This begs the question: “How are you going to handle these pressures?”

We can’t control everything that happens to us – no one can. However, we can all control how we respond to our circumstances.

The very best way to handle stress when the s**t hits the fan is to ask yourself the following question: “What is the absolute worst thing that can happen as a result of this circumstance?”

Chances are no one will lose life or limb. Sure, some very unpleasant things might happen. Earnings might plummet, jobs might be lost, but life and death are probably not hanging in the balance.

This realization will go a long way in helping you keep things in perspective. This, in turn, allows us to stay calm and avoid making impulsive decisions or knee-jerk reactions since we know the world is not coming to an end!

People with high levels of Emotional Intelligence keep things in perspective. They keep reactions in check. They don’t overact.

3. Remain Positive. Closely connected to keeping things in perspective is remaining positive. Since we know keeping things in perspective helps us understand the world is not coming to an end, it allows us to avoid a doom and gloom case scenario attached to the crisis.

This realization will allow you to remain positive when faced with a crisis.

The key to remaining positive is to have a positive mindset. A positive mindset is half the battle in finding the solution to a difficult situation. There is no real value to hand wringing and expressing doom and gloom to a situation that most people already know is challenging and difficult.

Staying positive not only helps you find a solution – it is also contagious.

A “Negative Ned” and “Negative Nancy” can bring everyone down – a “Positive Paul” and “Positive Pam” brings everyone up. They provide hope and belief that you can find a way out of what might appear to be, at the moment, a dark – but not endless tunnel.

The ability to remain positive during a crisis allows you to be the calm in the eye of the storm- a trait exhibited by those with high emotional intelligence.

4. Breathe. Breathe deeply! The best way to remember to breathe when under pressure is to practice breathing on a daily basis. This way, when you are faced with pressure you can more easily remember to breathe appropriately.

This might sound simple but it works.

Deep breathing allows you to get centered and focused during times of stress. It promotes oxygenation to the brain, allowing you to think clearly.

The next time you are stressed, remember to breathe. You might be surprised how much this will increase your ability to process the stress and stay calm.

The ability to stay calm under pressure is a characteristic commonly found in people with high levels of Emotional Intelligence. Utilize the techniques discussed in this blog and watch your emotional intelligence – and success soar.

#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork #emotionalintelligence

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Dr. Patty Ann Tublin’s Tuesday Tips for Success in Business and Life, as seen on WTNH Ch. 8.


Do you want to be a Network Ninja? Then you want to learn how to network the way people with high Emotional Intelligence network – and check out today’s video blog!

#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork #emotionalintelligence

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Remember the rising star in your company whom everyone “just knew” was going to rocket to stardom?

Yet his career never seemed to take off.

It’s not that he wasn’t smart. He was.

It’s not that he didn’t work hard. He did.

It’s not that he wasn’t well liked. He was.

Yet, in the wake of a stellar lift off, his career seemed to stall after being launched.

What exactly happened?

This rising star allowed his success to reach its expiration date!

Yes, everyone’s (current) success has an expiration date attached to it.

In the book written by Spencer Johnson titled: “Who Moved My Cheese?” Johnson discusses how to successfully deal with the inevitable changes we face in both our personal and professional lives.

And if one thing in life is certain, besides death and taxes, it’s change.

The rising star whose success expired failed to successfully navigate professional change.

He failed to remain relevant.

What was cutting edge technology today may well be irrelevant tomorrow.

What was known to be a “sure thing” today, is factually proven wrong tomorrow.

Forecasted trends prove worthless in a global economy whose rapid pace of change is staggering.

Following are some valuable ways to help you stay relevant – so your success does not reach its expiration date:

1. Adapt to the changing landscape. The only thing constant is change. Rather than waste your time and energy fighting change, learn to adapt to it. Otherwise, you and your skill-set will become obsolete.

2. Be Flexible. The Japanese observe how, during a heavy snowfall, the resilient bamboo bends but the unyielding oak breaks. As the winds of change blow in your company and your field, rather than strongly resisting it – be flexible and embrace it.

3. Be Pro-active. Seek out the upcoming trends and educate yourself about them. Staying ahead of the curve will keep you relevant.

4. Observe and Listen. Observe the trends and listen to its experts. Then perform your own due diligence.

5. Read. Reading is arguably the best way to stay on top of your game. Reading will let you know what is “in” and “out” in your industry, and where things may be headed. Reading will keep you informed and ahead of the curve.

The information, knowledge and expertise that made you successful today, may be totally irrelevant for tomorrow’s success. It is your responsibility to stay relevant so your success does not reach an expiration date.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann

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Holiday Office Party Remember the guy from last year’s holiday party that got so drunk he threw up all over himself – and everyone around him?

Or the gal who showed up so scantily dressed you did a double take (for all the wrong reasons) when she walked in the room?

Of course you do! And so does everyone else.

Holiday Office Parties are Back!

Once thought gone for good, the office holiday party is back!

And make no mistake about it; these parties are not really parties. They are business events masquerading as parties.

We’ve all heard and/or seen people commit career suicide due to their inappropriate behavior at these events.

Sure, these parties are a chance to hang out with business colleagues, usually in a fun and informal setting.

Do not be lured into the false pretense that you are hanging out with your friends – no matter how good the music, the booze or the food.

Do’s and Don’ts for the Office Holiday Party

Below is a list of do’s and don’ts for your company’s holiday party to avoid politically shooting yourself in the foot while spreading good cheer!

1. GO! Don’t even think about blowing this party off.

Love em or hate em, it will serve you well to be seen at them.

Even if this party is touted as being optional – that doesn’t really mean it is. Your absence may very well be noticed. Worse – it may be prone to misinterpretation (he/she is not a team player, is aloof, is a snob, etc.).

Look at this as an opportunity to socialize with people you work with day in and day out – but don’t really get a chance to interact with outside of office hours.

You might be surprised to discover how much you actually enjoy your colleagues company outside the constraints of the corporate environment.

2. Network. It’s not good enough to just show up. Since you’re already there – you might as well make the most of it.

This is a great opportunity to network with the movers and shakers of your company (i.e., upper management and executives) whom you would normally not have access to.

If you’ve never met them before, make it your business to introduce yourself with a brief introduction and non-work related conversation.

If you already know these key players, take this as an opportunity to develop a somewhat more personal connection with them.

Talk about appropriate personal information. For example, talk about your favorite sport team or clothing designer; ask about their hobbies, etc.

(Be careful when asking about the spouse – you might not know if that relationship is on the rocks or not!)

Before leaving the party, try to do your best to make sure you had at least a brief conversation with all the key players who were in attendance. You took the time to go – you might as well get credit for it!

3. Dress Appropriately. The office holiday party is not the time to come slinking in with a way too high mini-skirt or stained T-shirt.

Rule of thumb: the venue dictates the dress code. If you are in doubt as to how formal or casual the party will be, ask someone whom you believe will know.

Every office has that someone who seems to know this stuff!

4. Moderation is the word of the evening! All behavior in moderation.

Yes, you are at a party. I’m not trying to be a fuddy duddy or repetitive, but as I said earlier – this party is really a business event.

Don’t be seduced into believing you are out partying with your friends, no matter how good the booze, food or music is!

Keeping that in mind – eat, drink and talk in moderation.

You don’t want to be speaking with meatball sauce dripping down your chin. And there is nothing funny about being drunk – period.

Try to avoid speaking too much about anything – especially yourself! Nobody wants to hear about how awesome & brilliant your kids are. They really don’t!

Absolutely no offensive jokes or inappropriate comments – this includes gossip. Enough said.

Avoid conversational landmines – and you know all the usual suspects: i.e., politics, religion, etc.

Final Thought

Whether you love or hate these parties, it’s a smart career move to go and make the most of them.

All success begins with relationships. Use the office holiday party as a way to develop deeper relationships with your colleagues. Besides having fun, you might be surprised as to how much it gives your career a boost!

#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Categories : Work Environment
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Yes, there are cultural and institutional barriers that prevent women from entering the C-suite.

Yes, there are cultural and institutional barriers that prevent women from getting paid what they are worth.

However, are women going to wait for these institutional and cultural forces to change so they can climb the corporate ladder and get paid what they deserve?

To paraphrase Gandhi: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Every woman must take individual responsibility for their career advancement and pay by learning the following 3 skills.

3 Skills Necessary for Success

1. Self-Promotion. Women must learn the art of self-promotion.

Women, unlike men, have a very difficult time promoting themselves. We find it difficult to share our victories and, to be blunt, it’s hard for women to brag!

We often remain silent during meetings.

And sometimes when we do speak up, we often allow our ideas to be ignored or totally dismissed. Yet, a man might make the same exact suggestion or observation five minutes later, and he’s a genius.

Good Girl Syndrome

Women fall prey to the “good girl” syndrome. It prevents us from promoting ourselves and from asking for more opportunities that will advance our career. It also plays a major role in the gender wage gap because women refuse to ask for a raise.

Sure, mentors and sponsors are invaluable for women to advance their career; however, they will not take the place of appropriately promoting your own accomplishments and ambitions.

2. Strategic Networking. Women mistakenly believe that if they work and do a good job, their hard work will get noticed and be rewarded.

I’m afraid that is not always true!

While doing an awesome job and acting professionally is favorably looked upon in the work force, in and of itself these qualities will not advance your career. You cannot be your department’s best kept secret.

Do not underestimate the value of attending happy hour and other informal networking opportunities.

Strategically network with the decision-maker(s) who can advance your career.

Find out who the decision-makers are – and who influences them. Then consciously develop a genuine relationship with them.

3. Avoid being stereotyped. Countless times I’ve seen women who have worked so hard to get a seat at the table, only to remove themselves. How? Women automatically say, “yes” when asked to take the minutes of the meeting. Or they jump up to fix the soda machine when someone says it is broken. Or they ask others if they would like a cup of coffee, as they are getting one for themselves.

I’m not suggesting women act rudely. I’m suggesting women need to consciously avoid any behavior that may inadvertently reinforce female stereotypes that will negatively impact how we are perceived.

Self-promotion, strategic networking and avoidance of any activities that will reinforce a negative stereotype are critical to a woman’s success – especially if you’re working in a male-dominated industry.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness #communicationexpert

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


The New York Times reached out to me when they needed an expert on gender wage inequality. Here is a copy of The New York Times Sunday, Oct.15, 2017 column called: “The Workologist” where I’m quoted. Enjoy.

Addressing a Gender Pay Disconnect
by Rob Walker

I recently completed a certification process in my field. This took several years and required clearing numerous hurdles. A few others in my office completed the same process. Typically, in our profession, this merits a raise.

It takes several months for a state board and other entities to process the materials and issue formal documentation. I and another woman in my office were told we would have to wait for that process to conclude before we got our raises. However, two men who finished around the same time received their raises earlier. I asked my boss directly about this and he confirmed that they had, but did not offer me any insight into what that meant for me.

To me, this seems like sexism, whether the bosses realize it or not. For some reason it was more imperative to give these guys a raise immediately, before they had their documents in hand, and less important to expedite this process for the women.

I work for a small and somewhat new company, and the bosses don’t have much formal business background. The culture is laid back and casual, and that’s part of the appeal for most people who work here. This affects the way that the office is run, and it may be relevant here. We have no human resources department. So what can I do about this? I don’t want to create a hostile environment for myself.


You started to have exactly the conversation you needed to have with your boss — then stopped before you got to the really important part. You can give it another shot; you’ll just need to plan ahead a bit.

For some strategic perspective, I checked with Dr. Patty Ann Tublin, a psychologist who is the chief executive officer of consultancy Relationship Toolbox and author of “Money Can Buy You Happiness: Secrets Women Need to Know to Get Paid What They Are Worth!” What you’re looking for, she says, isn’t a confrontation, but a conversation.

Gender pay disparity is, obviously, a real phenomenon, and you’re right to question what’s going on here. But you may not have all the relevant information about those two male employees. That’s one reason Dr. Tublin suggests steering away from focusing too much on comparisons to a specific peer.

Instead, she suggests, try an additional round of due diligence. “Go online and research what your job is worth,” she says, factoring in your specific title, your industry, and your location (along with the new certification). Then arrange a meeting with the relevant boss. Ask about your general career trajectory, given the skills you’ve acquired.

Then, without making any accusations, ask for some clarity on why your case was handled one way, and those male peers seemed to get different treatment. “Then be quiet,” Dr. Tublin says, “and see what they say.”

Perhaps the response will involve some convincing difference. If not, you could propose that your raise be made retroactive to the date you completed the certification process. If the answer is no, try something like: “Please help me understand. What is different about what’s going on for me and what happened with them?” And follow that up by pushing for specific performance-review goals (informed by your own research) that would bring you to parity.

It seems that you don’t want a more overt showdown, but if you’re left convinced that gender is the only reason you’re not being paid what you’re worth, Dr. Tublin concludes, “then at some point you need to decide whether that’s the company you want to work for.”

“Promoted,” Without a Solid Raise

I was recently “promoted.” I put that in quotes because the promotion did not include a new title, base-pay increase, or substantial change in responsibility. However, I am now eligible for an end-of-year bonus that I’m told typically averages 20 percent. That’s not chump change, but it’s not guaranteed.

Of course, many business reasons exist for deferred compensation. But I can’t help feeling that this is a raw deal. The business area I’m in has been setting new earnings records practically every quarter.

Any advice on how to reopen a conversation about base pay?


In the short term, consider simply treating this as good news: It sounds as if your employer, without prompting, has put you in a position where you are likely to make more money for doing the same work. This will put you in a better frame of mind to move forward.

Now think about what you want to happen next — in six months, or a year. Decide what, specifically, you want, and have a conversation with your manager about what you need to do to attain that goal.

Obviously you don’t want to frame the matter quite so selfishly. But it seems that your bosses value you, and your objective is to build on that — for their benefit as well as yours.

~ as posted in The New York Times

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Categories : Women and Money
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“Good Girls Be Damned”

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Don’t tell me it isn’t true. Women are raised to behave like “good girls”.

And the “good girl” syndrome that society has ingrained in us prevents women from advancing up the corporate ladder.

It also plays a role in gender inequality (as discussed in my Amazon best selling book: “Money Can Buy You Happiness: Secrets Women Need to Know to Get Paid What They Are Worth”. (

The high value placed on being the “good girl” runs rampant throughout women’s lives. It begins in preschool and extends throughout high school – and even into college, with teachers, coaches, and youth leaders praising and rewarding “good girl” behavior.

What exactly does “good girl” behavior look like?

Childhood “good girl” behavior

It’s demonstrated by girls who follow the rules, wait their turn, stay in line, play fairly, share, seek consensus, accept authority, maintain (and not challenge) the status quo.

Teachers tell parents their daughter is a “good girl” because she “never gives me any trouble,” “always does what she is told,” “cooperates,” “helps others,” “is patient,” etc.

Adulthood “good girl” behavior

Adult “good girl” behavior is exhibited by women who are people-pleasers and consumed with perfectionism. In their attempt to please everyone, women sacrifice their own happiness and voice in their personal and professional lives.

In the workplace, this “good girl” behavior makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for women to advocate for themselves, lead, take initiative, and ruffle feathers when it is appropriately called for.

It’s not hard to see how the “good girl” syndrome as exhibited by women in the work place significantly contributes to the abysmal representation of women in the C-suite, on the Board of Directors and other leadership roles within the corporate world.

To increase the number of women in the ranks of leadership – and to make sure women get paid what we are worth – women must ditch the “good girl” syndrome and learn to advocate for themselves, speak up and insure their voice is heard.

#communicationexpert #womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Categories : Women and Money
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Feeling pressed for time, I accidentally hit “reply all” instead of “reply” when responding to an email. As soon as my finger left the key, panic struck! I immediately began worrying about the negative ramifications of my mistake and whom I might have pissed off!

Can you relate to the feeling of dread and panic described above? Does your behavior when stressed tend to help or harm your efforts?

Given the unrelenting demands most of us experience, I’m pretty sure we’ve all wanted a “do over” from time to time. Not only has social media made such a "do over" impossible, it often allows our mistakes to live on forever in a gazillion social platforms.

If only we could stay calm under pressure!

“Keep Calm and Carry On!”

The key to staying calm under pressure is found in our brain. If we can train our brain to be our ally, instead of our foe when stressed, we will be able to stay calm under pressure.

Following are 10 effective behaviors that will train your brain to help you stay calm under pressure.

1. Be Grateful! Countless research demonstrates that people who are grateful for the positive things in their lives have lower cortisol levels – the hormone associated with stress. Researchers at the University of California, Davis demonstrated that people who felt gratitude had increased energy, positive moods and an overall healthy sense of well-being. If you begin your day feeling calm, it will be easier to stay calm when stress comes your way.

For more information on how gratitude impacts your health and your ability to handle stress, click here.

2. Think Positively. When under pressure, if you can think of a positive situation or thought, it will distract your brain from dwelling on the negativity of the stressful situation, which often feeds on itself, creating a circular doom and gloom case scenario in your brain.

Thinking positive thoughts allows your brain to keep stress in check by shifting its attention to a “stress-free” zone in our brain.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” William James

3. Go off the Grid. I know, I know, it is really hard to shut off your cell phone, pull yourself away from your computer, and totally disengage from the electronic world. However, it is imperative you do just that; otherwise you are in danger of frying your brain and burning out. If feeling overwhelmed is your emotional baseline, stressful situations are bound to put you over the edge.

Being constantly “on” does not give your brain the opportunity to rest, de-stress and re-charge, making manageable irritations feel unmanageable.

If you’re reading this blog I’m pretty sure our national security is not riding on your availability. Therefore, train yourself and let others know (in an appropriate way) that you are “off the grid” for specific periods of time such as evenings or weekends.

4. Get Sleep. When we are sleep deprived normal stressors are blown out of proportion, often feeling insurmountable. Following a good night’s sleep, that same stressor experienced when sleep deprived doesn’t feel like such a big deal.

Take a page from the old milk commercial: “sleep does a body good!” Click here to read the scientific proof behind this statement.

5. Be Active. Physical activity keeps your body and mind healthy. You don’t have to train for a triathlon to gain all the wonderful benefits physical activity has on your health and overall well being. Simple activities such as walking and climbing stairs get the job done.

Physical activity stimulates the vagus nerve (a part of the autonomic nervous system) that calms the body down, which is necessary for staying calm when under pressure.

6. Practice Meditation. Studies show meditation helps with stress, blood pressure and staying calm in stressful situations. Meditation activates alpha brainwaves that relax you, allowing you to mentally distract yourself from things that are bothering you. Click here to read more on how mediation helps you stay calm when stressed.

7. Don’t Play the Victim. When things don’t go according to plan, professionally and personally, avoid the “whoa is me” thinking. Playing the victim only adds stress to what is an already stressful situation.

Remember – we cannot control all the stressors that appear in our lives, but we can control how we respond to them.

8. Eat Healthy. A few years ago my son introduced me to a book titled: “It Starts With Food” – and the title says it all. Food provides the fuel and foundation for a healthy brain. A healthy brain is key to staying calm when under duress.

9. Breathe Fully. Breathing provides oxygen to the brain. IF the brain is not appropriately oxygenated, it is impossible to stay calm under pressure.

The appropriate way to breathe is to inhale deeply filling up your chest and stomach with air, then exhaling slowly and deliberately. Click here to read more on how to breathe stress out of your body.

10. Keep it All in Perspective. Two questions I’ve asked my clients and kids over the years when things go wrong: “What is the worst thing that can happen now?” and “Will this make any difference in two years?”

Chances are the answer to these questions will not incur loss of life. Anything less than that must be kept in perspective. Sure, your boss might yell at you, you might lose a big account, your spouse might be really pissed off, but nobody is going to die.

Incorporating the above behaviors into your life will result in having a trained brain that will help you stay calm when under pressure.

#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork #femalefinancialfitness

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Categories : Women and Money
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