Archive for Communication

4 Communication Mistakes It’s pretty safe to say everyone agrees that effective communication skills are a vital “soft” skill for success yes?

But many people are totally unaware of every day communication mistakes that go unchecked.

These mistakes not only get in the way of your success – but they also piss people off – damaging important work relationships.

Following are 4 common communication mistakes that piss people off – and how to stop them.

4 Communication Mistakes that Piss People Off

1. Constantly interrupting when others are speaking.

We all know who these people are and they really piss us off.

Interruptions can take many forms. The most common is the question that just can’t wait until we are finished speaking our thought and/or presentation. The interrupter needs to have their question answered now!

People who constantly interrupt others exhibit poor listening skills and are usually not interested in what you are saying.

Interrupters have to say what they need to say the moment a thought or comment or question pops into their head.

No filter.

Quite frankly, they don’t really care to listen to what you have to say – after all, it’s really all about them.

If you want to damage your work relationship – make it a point to interrupt every chance you get. People will surely be pissed off at you.

Solution: Make a conscious effort to pause and breathe deeply before opening your mouth to speak. This takes practice but it is a skill that can be learned.

2. The Space Invader invades our personal space by standing way too close to us during a conversation.

This invasion of our personal space leaves us feeling uncomfortable and a little anxious at times.

Why? Space invaders upset our human desire to avoid “getting so close to other people.” For a more detailed discussion of personal space go to: http://bit.ly/personal-spaces

The appropriate speaking distance between two people, although it varies according to culture and level of intimacy, is between four (4) ft. and twelve (12) ft.

Solution: Simply know what 4-12 ft. looks like and put it into play.

3. Constantly breaking eye contact during a conversation. If you want to send someone the message they do not have your full attention –let your eyes frequently wander away from them while they are speaking.

Glancing at our phone, checking our watch –doing all sorts of other seemingly benign behavior– sends the message that you are distracted.

Or, perhaps even worse, that you have something better to do with your time than listen to them.

Conversely, unrelentingly staring at someone while they are speaking can be intimidating – and downright creepy.

You know the stare – we all do. It can leave us feeling intimidated. And no one likes it one bit.

Solution: Maintain appropriate genuine eye contact throughout the conversation. You do not want to be constantly looking away from the speaker – nor do you want to appear obsessively “locked in”. Either behavior will piss people off.

4. Poor Body Language

Over fifty (50%) of all communication takes place non-verbally. More specifically, our body language screams messages without uttering one word!

Poor posture, fidgeting, flailing arms and anything else that might distract the listener will inhibit your ability to get your message across.

Besides being distracting, it can be annoying and irritating – and yes, you guessed it, piss people off.

If you want to communicate your message with confidence, competence and poise – you must look confident, competent and poised.

Solution: Practice speaking in front of a mirror or video yourself speaking and then watch the video with the volume turned off. This will give you great insight into what message your body language is sending. Or perhaps ask someone you trust to evaluate your body language while speaking.

Practice, practice, and practice some more.

Some people are naturally effective communicators, most of us are not.

Remember – the goal of communication is to connect with others, ditch any behavior that advances this goal.

#communicationexpert #womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Dr. Patty Ann interview June 5th on WTNH CT Style. Topic: How to avoid a Tiger Woods meltdown.

Wouldn’t it boost your career if you could learn to effectively communicate? Watch my video blog where I share 3 simple tips on how to become a more effective communicator.



#womenandmoney #womenandwork #womenatwork

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Mar
01

Do You Have the “It” Factor?

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Do you have the "it" factor?Wouldn’t you love to be that guy or gal that everyone wants to be around?

The person who commands a “presence” when they walk into a room.

The person who exhibits magnetism that makes others naturally gravitate towards them.

Everyone wants to be on his or her team.

Everyone wants to work with them – or for them.

Question: So what exactly is “it” that these people possess?

Answer: Executive Presence

What is Executive Presence?

Sylvia Ann Hewlett states that Executive Presence is seen in the way you act, look and sound.

People with executive presence exhibit confidence, competence, poise, effective communication skills and the ability to remain calm in the eye of the storm -all fundamental characteristics of executive presence.

If you don’t look, act and sound like an executive or leader, it will be extremely difficult to be perceived as one or to become one.

Here’s the really good news. Executive Presence can be learned.

3 Key Ingredients Essential to Executive Presence

1. Gravitas – how you act or behave is perhaps the single most important component of Executive Presence.

Read More
#executivepresence #womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

~ as published in The Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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Wouldn’t it be of tremendous value to know how to read someone’s body language?

Research shows approximately 55% of all communication comes from body language. Can you imagine what an advantage it would be to your career and your personal relationships if you were able to hear what is not being said!

(Guys, this might really come in handy for you one day – just sayn!)

High Emotional Intelligence & Body Language

Not coincidentally, people with high emotional intelligence are well aware of the importance of non-verbal communication. They pay close attention to body language and other non-verbal cues while communicating with others.

Here’s some really good news. Everyone can learn to read body language.

Following are ten secret tools of the trade for reading body language. With a little effort you can implement these tools and gain an incredible advantage (and boost) to your career and personal relationships.

10 Secrets Tools for Reading Body Language

Let’s start with the face.

1. When Someone is Smiling – Watch their Eyes. A true, authentic smile creates a crinkling of the skin around the outside corner of the eyes. This crinkling is commonly referred to as crow’s feet.

If someone’s smile doesn’t produce crow’s feet around their eyes, this suggests their smile may not be genuine. The person smiling may be hiding their true feelings or thoughts from you.

A happy smile is defined by crow’s feet – and you can’t fake it.

Read More

#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

~ as published in the Huffington Post

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

As a relationship and communication expert, you know I sincerely believe all success begins with relationships. However, these relationships are only successful if they are authentic.

Authenticity must be at the very core of any trusting relationship. The #1 way to build trusting relationships is through effective communication.

Following are three key components of effective communication.

  1. Recognizing the fact that we live in an electronic world – face-to-face communication remains the most effective type of communication you can have when it comes to building trusting relationships.

    If there is any way possible to meet a client in person– by all means do so. Train, planes and automobiles can get you there.

    These face-to-face meetings might require more of your time (especially if it involves travel) – but its value towards building an honest trusting relationship makes it well worth the effort.

    Let’s be honest. Aren’t you more inclined to trust someone you have met in person, as opposed to only knowing someone through the Internet or telephone communications? Being in someone’s physical presence affords us the opportunity to get a “read on him or her” and size him or her up.

  2. The ability to actively listen is a vital component of effective communication. Actively engaging the speaker when they are talking by nodding your head and looking them in the eye shows the speaker you are fully present and listening carefully.

    Actively listening also provides you with the opportunity to ask for further clarification if you don’t understand something that is being said.

    Active listening makes the speaker feel valued because you are giving them your divided attention.

  3. Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication Skills. Choose your words very carefully. Words are powerful. They can build or destroy relationships. Speak clearly and concisely. Avoid rambling on and on or going off on tangents. Nobody has time for nonsense.

    Over fifty percent of all communication takes place non-verbally. Therefore, what is not being said is sometimes more powerful and important to building a trusting relationship than what is being said.

    Make certain your body language (non-verbal communication) is consistent with your words (verbal communication).

If you want to build authentic trusting relationships, take the time to meet people face-to-face, the effort will be appreciated. Utilize active listening skills and be aware of your verbal and non-verbal messaging. Practicing these effective communication skills will build healthy relationships and increase your bottom line.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

As the year comes to a close, many people take stock of their lives and resolve to make positive changes in the New Year.

We all know the usual suspects: lose weight, exercise more, spend more time with the kids, read more, etc.

As a relationship expert I truly believe all success and happiness is built upon healthy relationships. And there is one New Year’s Resolution that will build these relationships!

Resolve to magnetize yourself in the New Year. No – not like a superhero, but the type of person who appears to naturally draw people to themselves.

Magnetic people are easy to be around and just as importantly, they make everyone around them feel at ease – and good about themselves.

Interestingly, magnetic people are not usually the smartest, richest or best-looking people in the room, (whew – qualifying most of us). However they possess qualities where people gravitate towards them anyway.

You want to work with – and for – magnetic people.

You want magnetic people at your parties.

You want magnetic people as your friend.

And so does everybody else!

Why?

Because magnetic people possess and radiate a positive energy that naturally draws people to them.

How?

What’s the secret behind this magnetism?

A simple, yet rare quality: self-confidence (not to be confused with arrogance).

Since magnetic people possess self-confidence, they do not seek external validation. Their confidence comes from within. Therefore, they don’t waste their time and energy seeking the applause of the crowd since they already have a sense of their self-worth.

Following are 7 qualities magnetic people exhibit that draw people towards them. Make these qualities your own to increase your happiness and success in the New Year!

1. RESPECT everyone. Magnetic people treat the janitor and the CEO with the same sincere respect all people deserve. It’s a golden rule of life that many people have forgotten in their hurried lives and their search for more – of everything – power, money and what I like to call “stuff”.

2. Laser Focus on People Rather than “Stuff” – Following on the heels of #1, magnetic people demonstrate a genuine interest in others.

They share their most precious commodity with you – their time – and they never make you feel as if you are wasting it. They ask you how you are – and they actually stop to wait and listen to your response. They express genuine concern for you.

3. Build Trust. Because magnetic people treat you with respect and give you their time, they build trusting relationships.

They express genuine concern about your concerns and interests – which encourage you to share more of your true feelings with them. Over time, these interactions build genuine relationships based on trust.

4. Inquire about YOU! Magnetic people don’t babble on about themselves – they ask about you. They don’t dominate a conversation with how successful and how smart they are. They are not trying to impress you. Rather, they are trying to get to know you and they demonstrate this interest by focusing the conversation on you.

5. Learn What Motivates You! Magnetic people know that different things motivate people. For example, some people crave attention and flattery while others prefer not to be spotlighted.

Magnetic people have the ability to pick up on the subtle clues people give out that tell you how they want to be treated and approached – making everyone around them feel comfortable.

6. Possess Integrity and Character. Magnetic people do the right thing at the right time – even when it is hard and even if no one is watching. These are the cornerstone traits of people with integrity and character.

Magnetic people do what they tell you they are going to do – without you having to follow-up with them. They also say what they mean and mean what they say. In other words, they are not full of bull.

Their integrity and character is demonstrated in their absolute refusal to engage in gossip or bad mouth others.

7. Smile. Magnetic people smile. We unconsciously gravitate towards people who smile because they make us feel good about ourselves. To read more about the value of smiling, click here to read an interesting article published in Neuroscience News.

During conversation, people naturally mirror the body language of the person with whom they are speaking, so who wouldn’t prefer to speak with someone who is smiling?

If the only New Year’s Resolution you make is to magnetize yourself – success and happiness will be yours.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

At a time when it seems as if the world is on fire, I am so proud and incredibly thankful to be living in the greatest country in the world. America may not be perfect – but it is a country that offers unprecedented freedoms, abundance and liberties to all, second to none!

As a business owner, wife and mother, I firmly believe there is absolutely no greater country in the world to live as a woman than the United States of America – and for this, I am extremely grateful.

Albert Einstein once said: “There are only two ways to live your life, one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as if everything is.” Perhaps the greatest genius of the previous century, Einstein expressed so eloquently a life philosophy predicated upon gratitude and thankfulness.

In keeping with the tradition of giving thanks on this Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for all the wonderful people who allow me to share my life with them: my family, my friends, my colleagues and clients (many of whom have become friends). I am extremely thankful for the privilege of having all of you in my life.

Rather than being resentful and worrying about what we don’t have (or what we think we should have more of) let’s focus on all the wonderful things we do have – especially our relationships with the people who enrich our lives every day!

When we view our relationships and our life through the eyes of gratitude and thankfulness, our inner world becomes a place of peace, joy, happiness and tranquility; it radiates out from our very core and influences our external reality.

Gratitude and thankfulness provides a mindset that allows us to see the good in the people who make up our lives and this vision extends to the world at large.

Thankfulness puts us in a place where we truly want to give back to the world for all we have; it injects positive feelings into our relationships and allows them to expand from a place of love and abundance.

The presence of thankfulness within our hearts allows us to look at conflict in our relationships from a healthy perspective. Therefore, when we are faced with these conflicts, we feel less inclined to escalate them because we are coming from a place of love and abundance. We do not have the energy, the desire or the will to view conflict from a “winner takes all” sum game.

As the hustle and bustle of this holiday season begins today, remember to express your thanks and gratitude to the people who make up the relationships with whom you share your life!

It truly is a wonderful life to live!

Happy Thanksgiving and here’s to a Fabulous Holiday Season!

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

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Everyone seems to be constantly talking about Emotional Intelligence (E.Q.). However, if I were to ask you exactly what the term “Emotional Intelligence” means, you would probably be hard pressed to define it. You might also have a difficult time explaining how it shows up in your business and your life. For the most accurate definition let’s turn to the guru himself, Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence” who states: “Emotional Intelligence is the master aptitude, a capacity that profoundly affects all other abilities, either facilitating or interfering with them.”

The above definition sounds great, however, it probably doesn’t amount to a hill of beans for most people. Therefore, in my work with clients and organizations, I’ve simplified the definition of emotional intelligence as being the ability to use your emotions intelligently, in real time, to build and sustain healthy relationships.

People with high Emotional Intelligence are in control of their emotions instead of having their emotions control them!

Think of all the brilliant people you know who would be more successful and happier if they had a clue as to how negatively others perceived them. These people possess a very low level of emotional intelligence, in spite of what may be a very high I.Q., so their success is compromised.

Without healthy relationships, your success is handicapped because as Stephen Covey, best selling author of: “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” wrote: “all success begins with relationships.”

Here’s the really good news. Unlike your Intelligence Quotient (I.Q.), your Emotional Intelligence can be exponentially increased throughout your lifetime.

Following are 3 critical ways to increase your Emotional Intelligence (E.Q.)

1. Increase Self-Awareness – Know Thyself. Learn what makes you tick, and perhaps more importantly, learn what ticks you off. Things that tick you off are commonly referred to as trigger points or “hot buttons” because they “trigger” uncontrollable emotional reaction(s) in you – ones that you often regret. How many times have you wished you could take back hurtful words spoken in anger, but they were out of your mouth before you even realized it? Increasing your self-awareness provides you with a greater understanding of your own emotions and is a critical step towards controlling them.

2. Learn Effective Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication Skills. The great comedian George Bernard Shaw said: “the biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Can’t we all agree with that?

Communication consists of three main components: verbal, non-verbal and active listening.

Verbal Communication describes the words we choose to use. The more emotionally charged a situation is, the more imperative it is we choose our words carefully. There are many words we can use to communicate our message, so pick the ones that will not alienate others.

Non-verbal communication involves every other aspect of communication other than verbal communication: body language, posture, tone, attitude, etc. Many times it is not what we say but how we say it that creates difficulties in our relationships. Therefore, it is vitally important to be aware of our tone and attitude and how we are coming across if we want to effectively communicate our message.

Active Listening. Active listening is not just about standing by silently as someone speaks. Active listening involves being fully present and totally engaged in a manner whereby the person you are listening to feels both heard and understood, regardless of whether you agree with them or not.

3. Show authenticity and genuineness. People with high emotional intelligence demonstrate sincere interest in other people. They genuinely understand that “it is not all about them!” They make it a point to learn the names of the spouses and children of the people with whom they work, and show a genuine interest in their hobbies and activities outside the work relationship. This promotes positive feelings and good will – an invaluable intangible necessary for one’s success!

In the final analysis, the heart of all business is people. Increasing your emotional intelligence will help you connect with the heart of your business – and increase your success!

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox

 

Many women make the mistake of believing their high quality work and professional dedication will be noticed AND then financially rewarded by their manager/boss if they just work hard and keep plugging away. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It would be nice to think superior work will get noticed and be rewarded – and it would be nice to think that the best person gets the promotion – but that is just not how the real world works! To insure your hard work does not go unrecognized by your upper management team, it is imperative you have a relationship with this team! You have to be known by your boss to get noticed by him/her! Otherwise, you are just another cog in the wheel.

Following are 3 key strategies that will help you develop a positive and healthy relationship with your boss – and facilitate your career advancement and financial reward!

  1. Make it Your Business that Your Boss Knows You! Chances are your boss is a very busy professional who is constantly being pulled in many different directions and who manages many people; therefore, the onus is on you to pull yourself out from the crowd and get noticed. There are many different ways this can be done so do what is most natural for you: schedule a productive meeting with the boss about a business matter that he/she is passionate about; make an appropriate personal connection based upon a shared hobby, interest etc. (you can find this out with just a little bit of research) For example, if your boss loves sports – and you do too, find an authentic way to bring it up during a conversation. Go out of your way to “run into” your boss in the hallway, in the parking lot etc. (do not confuse this with stalking – and I know you know what I mean!) In other words, find a way to make yourself VISIBLE and VALUED!

  2. Be a Problem-Solver & Initiate Solutions. One of the easiest ways to get recognized and rewarded by your boss is to take a glaring problem and find a solution. Bring innovation and enthusiasm to work – and make sure the boss knows you found the solution (without being a braggart). All bosses love problem solvers – and reward them!

  3. Be Likeable – that’s right, be the employee everyone loves to have around! Research shows people who are liked are paid more and have their mistakes forgiven more readily than people who are dis-liked. Your boss is human so he will want to promote and reward people he/she likes as well. No matter how fabulous you might be at your job – if you have an attitude you are less likely to be promoted, financially rewarded and liked by everyone – even your boss.

All success begins with relationships – and if you want to succeed, it is imperative you have a healthy relationship with your boss!

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
www.facebook.com/relationshiptoolbox