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5_Core_Components_Emotional_Intelligence2Do you know someone who is so smart – yet they constantly trip themselves up at work by saying the wrong thing, to the wrong person, at the wrong time, in the wrong way?

It seems as if these people cannot get out of their own way, both professionally and personally.

And if they could just get their act together, they would be so much more successful at work – and happier in their personal lives.

Chances are, these intellectually smart people lack emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence Trumps Your IQ

Arguably, a high level of emotional intelligence trumps a high level of IQ every time.

No one really cares how smart you are if you cannot get along with people. If people find you to be abrasive, divisive and/or obnoxious, your career and business will take a direct hit as a consequence of your behavior.

No one will want to work with – or for you. You’re not that smart that people will be willing to tolerate you making them feel miserable, stupid, and angry or any other negative emotion(s) no one in their right mind wants to experience.

Therefore, nobody will voluntarily choose to be around you. As a matter of fact, they will avoid you like the plague.

Low emotional competence will cost you success in your work and create unhappiness in your personal life.

Why? Because Emotional Intelligence is an absolute prerequisite for success.

What exactly is Emotional Intelligence?

In Daniel Goleman’s book: “Working with Emotional Intelligence” he defines emotional intelligence as “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”

In other words, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and regulate the expression of our emotions – and the emotions of others, in real time (not after the fact).

Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a corporate employee or a stay-at-home mom, Emotional Intelligence holds the key to your success and happiness.

Aristotle’s Challenge
Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.
Aristotle, The Nichomachean Ethics

Only those with a high level of emotional intelligence can meet Aristotle’s Challenge successfully.

Following are the 5 Core Components of Emotional Intelligence (emotional competency) – mastering these skills will increase your success and the overall happiness of your life.

1. Self-awareness is exhibited by knowing one’s feelings – in real time, i.e. as we are feeling them. Only when we are aware of our feelings, can we effectively use them to make good decisions.

In addition, people with high emotional intelligence make decisions based upon a realistic assessment of their capability and knowledge. They do not indulge in delusion thinking – thinking they are smarter than in fact they are.

2. Self-regulation refers to the ability to appropriately manage one’s emotions so they facilitate, rather than interfere with the decision or task at hand.

As per Aristotle’s challenge referenced above, being aware of our anger or any other feeling(s) we have, allow us to channel our anger in a productive -not destructive manner – thereby successfully mastering Aristotle’s challenge.

Also, those with a high EI have the ability to delay immediate gratification in pursuit of the goal and objective.

They have control over their emotions, rather than their emotions having control over them.

Think about how many times have you wished you didn’t immediately lash out in anger? These were moments when your emotional competency was not optimally operating for you.

Unfortunately, there are no do-overs!

Additionally, it is one’s emotional intelligence that allows you to more easily recover from emotional setbacks – so you can get back on your feet again.

3. Motivation as exhibited in people with a high level of emotional competency is the ability to persevere in the face of setbacks and challenges.

They are undaunted by failure and frustrations, they take the initiative, and they strive to improve and move forward in pursuit of the goal.

Even in the face of adversity, one’s commitment and motivation never wavers.

4. Empathy is rooted in the ability to know – or sense – what other people are feeling. Empathic people are capable of showing kindness and compassion towards others when they are in distress or hurting – even if you don’t feel these same feelings.

Empathy is on display when one is able to see the other person’s perspective, (even – or especially – when they differ from your own) especially during challenging times. This allows for the ability to bring together a diverse group of people and opinions to unite for a common cause.

Clearly you can see the high correlation between leadership and high emotional intelligence.

5. Social skills are seen as the ability to handle both your own emotions, and the emotions of others in a productive, as opposed to destructive manner.

People with high emotional intelligence optimally utilize “soft skills” to effectively communicate, actively listen, collaborate and unify others. This ability is rooted in the ability to be empathic (core #4).


Perhaps the best news about all these 5 aspects of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills, is that unlike your IQ, they can all be learned and improved upon with knowledge and practice.

Which one of the above 5 aspects of emotional intelligence do you believe is your strongest or weakest attribute?

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The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


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This week’s viewer on Dr. Patty Ann’s Tuesday Tips for Success wants to know how to stay relevant in her career! Click below to hear my response.

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The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


During Dr. Patty Ann’s Tuesday Tips for Success she was asked by a WTNH CH. 8 viewer tips for work-life balance to alleviate stress. See response below.

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Video: Secrets to Get Promoted

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Dr. Patty Ann was asked for tips on how to get promoted in the New Year. Watch her answer of this week’s Dr. Patty Ann’s Tuesday Tips for Success on @WTHN CH. 8.

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How do you keep your potential client on track to close a deal, when they keep going off on a tangent and NOT talking about the product you are trying to sell them? Watch my response to this question during Dr. Patty Ann’s Tuesday Tips for Success below.

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During this week’s Dr. Patty Ann’s Tuesday Tips for Success, she was asked how to handle stress during the stressful holiday season. Watch her reply below. These tips apply to both your professional and personal life.

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VIDEO: To Go or Not to Go?

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To Go or Not to Go? THAT is the question asked during this week’s Dr. Patty Ann’s Tuesday Tips for Success.

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The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Remember the guy from last year’s office holiday party that was spilling his drink on everyone around him? Or the woman who came slinking into the party dressed with very little left to the imagination?

Of course you do! And so does everyone else!

We’ve all heard and/or seen people commit career suicide due to their inappropriate behavior (and dress) at the office holiday party.

Following are my 5 tips to insure you not only survive – but also thrive – at your office holiday party this year.

5 Survival Tips

  1. GO! Don’t even think about blowing this party off!

    Love ‘em or hate ‘em, it will serve you well to be seen at ‘em.

    Really – people will know if you’re not there. Sure, the invitation might say “optional” but you don’t believe everything you read now, do you?

    Like it or not, office holiday parties are in many ways business events masquerading as parties. You don’t want your absence to be mis-interpreted as being aloof, a snob and/or not a team player.

    (Also, don’t go too early or stay too late!)

  2. Network and make yourself visible! It’s not good enough to just show up. Since you’re already there – you might as well make the most of it.

    Take this as an opportunity to socialize with people you normally don’t get a chance to interact with outside office hours.  You might be surprised how much you enjoy your colleagues outside the constraints of the workday.

    This is also a tremendous opportunity to network with the movers and shakers of your company (i.e., upper management and executives) whom you would normally not have access to.

    If you’ve never met them before, make it your business to introduce yourself with a brief introduction and non-work related conversation. But whatever you do, do not self-promote or act like a nudge.

  3. Dress for Success (i.e. appropriately). The office holiday party is not the time to come slinking in with stiletto heels and a low cut blouse – or a stained shirt and tie.

    Yes, you are at a party, but it is not the same dress code as it would be if you were at a party with your friends.

    If you’re not sure what to wear, the general rule of thumb is the venue determines the dress code. If you are still in doubt (or clueless), ask someone in your office whom you believe will know.

    Every office has that someone who seems to know this stuff!

  4. Moderation – of ALL things!

    Don’t drink too much, don’t eat too much and don’t talk too much.

    I’m not trying to be a Negative Nancy but it really is important to remember how you behave at this party may potentially influence how others think about you – and by association, your career trajectory!

    You don’t want to be walking around with red meatball sauce dripping down your chin.

    And there is nothing funny about being drunk – period.

    Avoid speaking too much about anything – especially yourself! Nobody wants to hear about how brilliant your kids are – or their athletic prowess – ad nauseam! They really don’t!

    Taboo Conversations

    Absolutely no offensive jokes or inappropriate comments – including gossip. Don’t say anything to anyone that you would never dream of saying in a professional environment.

    Do not engage in any gossip – at all! (Especially in the bathroom – ladies, you know exactly what I’m talking about!)

    Avoid all conversational landmines, i.e., politics, religion, and any topic that pushes someone’s emotional “hot” buttons. Now is not the time to solve the immigration issue or the world hunger crisis.

    Note:  Minimize talking about your work.  This may be difficult to do because the one thing everyone in attendance shares is work, but I am sure you can find other similarities.

    If someone does ask you about your job, keep your response short and sweet. Remember- less is more. Don’t bore others with the detailed nuances of your work or achievements.  Nobody really cares.

    DO be Authentic   

    Be complimentary while being genuine. There must be at least one kind word you can say to everybody!

  5. Absolutely No Inappropriate Romantic Interactions – of any kind. Full Stop!

Final Thoughts

The office holiday party is a great opportunity to enjoy and hang out with people whom you spend most of your waking hours with. Whether you love or hate these parties, it’s a smart career move to go to them and make the most of them.

All success begins with relationships. Use the office holiday party as a way to develop deeper genuine relationships with your colleagues.

Besides having fun, you might be surprised as to how much it gives your career a boost!

Enjoy yourself while being responsible.  As I tell my kids, there are no do-overs!

#womenandmoney #womenatwork #womenandwork

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Watch today’s interview to learn how to effectively handle stress at work.

#businessexpert #relationshipexpert #communicationexpert

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann


Navigating life's transitions We all experience a series of transitions throughout our lives, both personally and professionally. Even when transitions are positive, they can be quite stressful.

Graduating from college, getting married (or divorced), having a baby, beginning a new job, entering a new relationship, etc. all create stress.

Since transitions and change are a constant part of life, they are impossible to avoid.

Therefore, the better equipped you are to handle and navigate life’s transitions, the happier and more successful you’ll be!

Following are four easy ways to navigate life’s transitions (so they don’t overwhelm you and stress you out).

1. The famous Greek philosopher Socrates said: “Know Thyself”. Different people can tolerate different levels of stress.

Understand your own limitations. Know how much stress you can tolerate – and respect it. This will help you avoid (or minimize) feeling overwhelmed and unduly stressed out during times of change. Naturally, it will be helpful for you to control what you can realistically control.

We cannot control everything that happens to us in life- but we are able to control some things.

If you are uncomfortable with a lot of major changes happening all at once, do your best to keep these changes to a minimum (when possible).

For example, if you are moving to a new apartment, perhaps you shouldn’t be looking for a new job at the same time.

If you are one of the fortunate few who can emotionally tolerate a lot of changes going on at once – you still need to recognize that transitions are stressful. Don’t be caught off guard and pile on the changes unnecessarily – just because you think you “can”.

2. Reach Out to Your Support System. Whether you are transitioning into a new job, a new intimate relationship or moving to a new city, etc., access your support system.

Reach out to the people who can emotionally support you during times of change. We all know who these people are in our lives.

It is very difficult to handle transitions by yourself – so don’t!

If you begin to feel overwhelmed by a personal or professional change, seek emotional support from others.

Whether it’s your friends and/or family that comes through for you in the clutch, reach out to them. Let them know what change(s) you are going through so they can ease the bumpy emotional roller coaster ride that comes with the territory.

This support can go a long way in helping you move ahead to see light at the end of what might begin to feel like a very long dark tunnel.

3. Be Realistic. Give yourself a realistic timeframe to get used to the change.

Your identity is changing – and it will take time to adjust to the “new” you. So give yourself the time it takes to feel comfortable in your new skin.

It might take a full year to feel comfortable or confident in your new job or relationship. Expecting to adjust sooner than is realistically possible will only add more stress to an already stressful situation.

Therefore, give yourself the gift of knowing it takes time to adjust and feel comfortable when transitioning throughout your life.

4. Expect to feel uncomfortable feelings. Even if you finally got that promotion you so desperately wanted, or you are a blushing bride or groom, don’t be surprised if you begin to feel somewhat overwhelmed and/or sad.

Transitioning implies closing one chapter in your life and opening another.

Even if the change you are experiencing is desirable, it may still take you out of your comfort zone – creating many unexpected and uncomfortable feelings.

Transitions, whether they are warmly welcomed or are suddenly imposed upon us, they present us with new challenges that create stress.

Knowing how much stress you can tolerate, reaching out to your support system, giving yourself a realistic timeframe to adjust to the changes while understanding that you might feel some sadness, are keys that will help you navigate life’s transitions as smoothly as possible.

The Place For Relationship Tools For Success In Business and Life,

Dr. Patty Ann